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I can barely push out words with how tightly the ball of sadness knots in my throat. It’s a serpent of emotions that is uncoiling, and I feel the need to puke it out.
“Do you know what being Nate’s captive was?” I inhale a shaky breath. “A fucking vacation.”
“Your daughter is right here,” he hisses back.
“Not from them!” I step back, taking my head in my hands. I’ve got a headache from all this. “From all of you! From responsibilities. The whole time I was there, I wanted nothing but to come back, but now I’m back, and I want nothing but to hold my girls and be taken care of. Do you know who took care of me? Nate.”
I throw my head back, looking at the gray sky threatening to spill an apocalypse onto us. The storm weighs heavy in the air, like my heart in my chest. Is that what my life is going to look like? Every day without my sun will be gray.
Loving Nate when you can’t get that love back is a burden to carry. It’s going to rot inside me, kill me, reduce me to dust.
A sob bursts out of me as I look back at my brother.
“I can’t do this. I won’t go back to that life. You can tell Elliot to meet with Emma and let her know the North Shore is theirs to handle.”
He looks at me with a blank face, holding Livie closer. He nods. “I’ll tell them, Kay. You take all the time you need.”
I open my mouth when I hear a scream in the house.
“Lia,” I gasp.
I run back inside, followed closely by my brother. Another shriek, and she’s sprinting out of the hallway leading to the bedrooms.
“Thank you, Uncle Caden!” She runs to him, hugging his legs tightly. I use the distraction to wipe my tears. I can’t let her see me like this. She’ll worry. “I love it, Uncle Caden. So pretty. So pretty, I love it. Look, Mommy!”
She shows me a small blue teddy bear with Celia embroidered on its belly. “I saw yellow one for Livie!”
Livie stirs in Caden’s arms, woken up by her excited sister, and when Lia screams again, she pushes away to be put on the floor.
Caden squats to let her go and Lia grabs her hand, dragging her sister to the bedrooms.
“Look,” I rasp. “Thank you. For everything. For trying to save me from Nate, for fixing the house, for being here for me and the girls whenever I need you.”
“You kept the both of us alive growing up,” he answers simply. “It’s the least I can do.”
I shake my head, not wanting his thanks. “You don’t need to repay me.” I roll my lips to gather myself. “But I need a bit of time to grieve.”
“You’ll get all the time you need. I’ll be staying here.”
If only that was Caden talking.
“Just go back to your house already,” Cade snaps.
“Look,” I huff. “I’m grateful for your help with the girls. Stay as long as you want, but know I don’t need you anymore.”
I turn away from her, leaving the living room to join my daughters in their new bedroom. I can only focus on one thing at a time, or the void Nate left behind starts grabbing me by the throat. So I focus on my daughters playing with their new teddy bears. A blue one for Lia and a yellow one with Olivia embroidered on it for Livie. Lia is running around the room because, apparently, her bear can fly. Livie is lifting it up and down in front of her as she sits on the floor.
“What’s your bear’s name, Lia?” I ask.
“Mr. Superbear,” she giggles as she keeps hopping around the room.
I squat next to Livie and push strands of pitch-black hair away from her face. “And you, baby. What’s the name of yours?”
She blinks up at me, but doesn’t answer. I don’t care. I will never give up on talking to her.
“Livie bear has a name, Mommy,” Lia exclaims, jumping onto her bed.
“Lia, I told you not to put words in your sister’s mouth. You can’t make up a name for her bear. Just because she didn’t share it with us doesn’t mean she didn’t pick one.”
