Page 201 of Lawless God


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“Is that how you want to put it, then?”

“Yes.”

“I think it’s bold of you to request one last thing after you took everything from me, but go on.”

His gaze scans my entire body before he pulls away. He stands up, reaches inside his pocket, and takes out a small plastic packet with two pills in it.

“Show me you trust me.” Waving the packet between us, he looks down on me with all the power he has over me.

I retreat, plastering myself against the sofa. I’m not liking where this is going. “What is that?”

“This is a mix of diphenhydramine and diazepam.”

“Diph—diphpen—”

“Diphenhydramine. It’s a sedating antihistamine. And diazepam is the type of anti-anxiety meditation that makes one lethargic. It always depends on the person, of course. But I think the mix of both will do the job.”

My eyes bounce between the packet and his face. “You want to drug me?”

“No”

My heartbeat relaxes. “Oh,” I chuckle awkwardly. “For a second—”

“I want you to drug yourself.”

My eyes widen. “Are you insane?”

“Yes, certified. And you know that. So take the pills and let’s get this over with.”

“I am not drugging myself for you. I am not taking some sort of sleeping pills when I know you’re capable of anything.”

I try to get up, but he pushes me back down. “You like it, Kay. You like it when you’re helpless and when I can do anything I want. And I know what goes on in that pretty head of yours. You’re Kayla King, how could you possibly ask for anyone to take control over you when you’re the baddest and the strongest. You think there’s no other way to enjoy what you like but by being forced. That makes you wet. Fuck, baby, it makes you melt like a puddle at my feet.”

My heart accelerates, my cheeks flushing, but mainly, relief floods me. I have never been understood in this way.

“That’s what I’m capable of doing, little sunflower. Forcing you. That’s why we fit so well sexually.”

He opens the pack and pinches the two pills between his thumb and forefinger before putting the empty plastic in his pocket.

“There are other things that link us, like the way you understand me despite me not understanding myself. And the way you need to be protected, because no one ever did that for you. But animalistically we match because I’m a hunter, and you’ve always wanted to be prey.”

He leans over, putting a hand behind me on the back of the sofa, and showing me the pills. Right in front of my face.

“The girls. I can’t.”

“I will be sober. I would never put us in a situation where they can’t be taken care of should an emergency arise.”

My heart is beating so fast I can hardly breathe. Short bursts of air come in and out of my lungs, waves of excitement. This is what I’ve always wanted. Nate has only ever made me feel exactly what I yearned to feel. The lust we share is specific to our brand of fucked up. Victim wants killer to slay her so deeply she won’t be able to do anything to defend herself.

A shiver courses through my body.

“Will you hurt me?”

“I will do everything you love.”

“And…I won’t be conscious?”

He lowers his head, skimming his lips against my nose, going down to my mouth.

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