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Silence stretches between us. I can see the conflict in his expression. He’s struggling to contain his anger. I hate that I’ve disappointed him, that I’ve betrayed his trust.
Finally, he shakes his head, leaning back in his chair. “I don’t know if I can continue training with you, Tanya. Not if you’re going behind my back like this.”
Panic rises in my chest. I can’t lose my time with him. I reach across the table, grasping his hand in both of mine.
“Please don’t do that. I’m so sorry. It won’t happen again.” My voice trembles. “Diane’s my best friend. I should have told you, but I was afraid it might—”
“Might what?” He searches my face, his gaze dropping to my mouth.
I swallow hard. “Might complicate things between us.”
The words hang in the air, and I realize I’ve said too much. But it’s the truth—keeping my friendship with Diane secret was as much about protecting myself as it was about protecting him.
Brian’s eyes meet mine again. His look is darker than before. “Is that so?” His voice is low and rough. My heart pounds as I look into his eyes.
“Well, Diane and I had decided that if we told you, chances were that I’d be unable to command your training sessions. The dynamic would change. Perhaps, your sessions would not have gone as well as they did had you known. You might have unconsciously viewed me in a different way. My authority might have been diminished. It’s a delicate position to be in and we just wanted—”
He looks less angry now.
I lick my lips, unable to look away from him. “Brian, I just want to say how sorry I am. I swear I wanted to tell you, but I told Diane first, and she—”
But I don’t get to finish my thought. He leans over the table and his hand rises to slide into my hair. Then his mouth is on mine. The kiss is hungry and devouring, filled with weeks of pent-up desire. I moan into his mouth, my hands finding his broad shoulders. He tastes of coffee and something darker, more primal. His tongue slides against mine in a dance as old as time. I don’t want it to come to an end, but all good things must.
And so Brian pulls away from the kiss slowly, his eyes searching mine. My lips still tingle from the intensity of it and my heart’s pounding in my chest. I know he must feel the same way—there’s no hiding the desire burning between us now that we’ve given in to it.
“I shouldn’t have done that,” he says hoarsely. But his hands are still curled around mine, holding me close.
“We both wanted it,” I say, trying to make him feel better.
He sighs, resting his forehead against mine. “Diane. This will crush her if she finds out.”
Guilt washes over me as I remember the complications of the situation. But the need for Brian is stronger. “We’ll keep it a secret,” I say. “Just until she leaves for London.”
“Do you really think she won’t figure it out?” He pulls back to search my face. “Tanya, I can’t lie to my daughter. And if we start something, I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop.”
My heart sinks, but I know he’s right. Diane’s happiness has to come before my own. “So, that’s it then,” I say dully. “We end this now before it really begins.” I nod, blinking back the tears threatening to spill over. “I understand.”
He presses a soft kiss to my forehead before stepping away. The loss of his warmth leaves me chilled. “Diane leaves in a few weeks. If you feel the same way then…we can try again. But for now, we should get back to a professional relationship.”
Though the thought of waiting tears me apart inside, but I know it’s the right thing to do. For Diane. I swallow hard and nod.
“Okay,” I whisper. “Professional it is.”
And with that, the dream of being with Brian shatters into a million pieces at my feet.
The next day, I’m laying equipment out in the gym when Brian walks in. My heart stutters at the sight of him. I remember the feel of his lips on mine and the comfort of his arms around me. I force the memories away and paste on a smile as he approaches.
“Morning,” I say brightly. “Ready to get started?”
“Morning.” His eyes are wary. I see him searching for any cracks in my professional facade. I keep my expression neutral, not giving anything away. After a moment, he nods. “Ready when you are.”
We launch into the workout, but it’s torture. I’m hyper-aware of him; of every move he makes, every breath, every grunt. The tension between us is quite evident, and more than once I catch him glancing at me with desire. I struggle not to flinch every time Brian’s hand brushes mine, and to not shiver at his voice in my ear as he asks about modifications for certain exercises.
When the session ends, I’m wrung out from the effort of pretending. As I grab my things to leave, Brian steps close to me. “Are you okay?” he asks quietly.
I nod. “Fine. Just tired.”
He searches my face as if looking for cracks in my facade again. “We’re doing the right thing, Tanya. You know that, right?”
