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Her words ignite a spark of hope inside me. Of course. Why didn’t I see it before?
“A compromise,” I repeat softly. “What did you have in mind?”
“We could keep our relationship private for now,” Tanya suggests. “Give Diane some time and space. Reassure her that she’s still the number one woman in your life. Once she sees that I’m not trying to replace her mother, she may become more open to accepting me.”
I look at Tanya and at the tears threatening to spill down her face. “We’ve tried that before, haven’t we Tanya?” I ask, gently. “She caught us, and look where we are now. If we go down that same route and she finds out, I know there would be no way back in for me again.”
“I never meant to put you in this position,” she says, her voice soft and sad. “I’m so sorry, Brian.”
Her apology only makes me feel worse. None of this is Tanya’s fault. She didn’t ask to fall for a man with so much baggage and be put in a competition she could never win.
Diane’s the only family I have left. But Tanya has become my lifeline—the one person who can lift me out of the darkness that threatens to consume me. I don’t know if I can give either of them up. But it seems I have no choice.
I reach across the table to take Tanya’s hand, grasping it like a drowning man clutching at a buoy. “I don’t want to lose you,” I whisper. “But I can’t lose my daughter, either.” I take a deep breath and squeeze Tanya’s hand. “I think…we should end this. Our relationship, I mean.”
The light in Tanya’s eyes dims. She looks away, blinking rapidly. When she turns back to me, her eyes are shining with tears. “You don’t mean that.”
“I do.” The words taste bitter in my mouth. “Diane will never accept us together. And she’s my daughter—I have to put her first.”
“But she loves me, too,” Tanya protests weakly. “We can work through this. We can—”
“We’ve tried that already.” I shake my head. “And it’s only made things worse. The more Diane sees us together, the more upset and resentful she becomes.”
Tanya pulls her hand from mine, wiping at her eyes. “So that’s it then? You’re just going to give up? You’re going to throw away everything we have, all because of some silly ultimatum?”
“It’s not silly to her.” I sigh, rubbing the back of my neck. “She’s my little girl. I have to do what’s right for her.”
“Even if it means losing me?”
I meet Tanya’s gaze, my heart aching at the pain and betrayal I see reflected there. “I’m so sorry. You mean the world to me, you know that. But Diane has to come first.”
Tanya looks away, her shoulders trembling with silent sobs. I want nothing more than to pull her into my arms and comfort her, but I know that will only make things worse. After a long moment, she takes a shaky breath and lifts her head. Her eyes are red, but her expression is one of quiet resignation. She gives my hand a gentle squeeze, her eyes glistening with tears she refuses to shed. “I understand,” she says softly. “You have to do what’s right for Diane. Even if it means giving me up.”
Her words hit me like a punch to the gut. But in my heart, I know the truth. As much as it will kill me to say goodbye, Diane has to come first. She’s the only family I have left, and I can’t lose her.
“Well, I guess that’s it then,” she says.
“I guess that’s it,” I respond, as she gathers her things. I want to reach out and scream that she can’t leave, but I know that’s not right. I asked for this, not Tanya. The moment feels unbearably surreal and sad.
Once she’s gathered everything on the corner of the table, she gives me a sad, wistful smile. “I’m going to miss you, Brian Russo.”
“I’ll miss you too,” I whisper. “More than you can ever know.”
We sit there for a long moment, our hands almost touching across the table, and share one last lingering look, as if etching each other’s faces into our memories.
Then, Tanya stands, smoothing the fabric of her skirt. When she speaks again, her voice is steady and resolved.
“Goodbye, Brian.”
“Goodbye, Tanya.”
I watch her walk away until she disappears through the door of the coffee shop, then bury my face in my hands, my heart shattered into a million pieces.
I sit there for a long time after Tanya leaves, lost in a sea of regret and sorrow. Did I make the right choice? I’m not sure anymore. All I know is that it feels like someone’s ripped my heart from my chest, leaving a gaping, bloody hole behind.
With a heavy sigh, I pull some money from my wallet to pay for our drinks and stand. As I make my way to the door, I glance over at the table we shared one last time, half expecting to see Tanya there waiting for me with a smile. But the table is empty. She’s gone.
Stepping out into the warm Floridian sun does little to lift my mood. I climb into my car and start the engine, but I don’t drive off right away. Gripping the steering wheel until my knuckles turn white, I close my eyes against the sting of tears. I need to think about Diane. My little girl has to come before anything else, no matter how much it hurts. She’s the only thing I have left of Laura, the only light that kept me from drowning in darkness after my wife’s death. I need to keep hold of her.
