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He wasn’t an asshole about it, and I know what that looks like after an absolute mistake of a sexual experience with a guy who works as a bouncer at the one nightclub I went to with Fiona last year. He was the quintessential hard-bodied security type, and I swooned over those big biceps and perpetual frown.
Unfortunately, he was also the kind of man to shame me when I couldn’t crest the top of the peak with him. Trust me when I say hearing the words What the hell is wrong with you? after sex is not something forgotten easily.
The only thing Boyd did was try to get me to try again. It isn’t his fault that he doesn’t understand why trying again is a mood killer for me, and instead of explaining it to him, I shut him down, shut him out.
I treated him like he was a disposable dick I could get away from and never have to see again, running out of the guesthouse like it was on fire.
He might be a guy I’ve only known for a few days, but I don’t like to make a habit of treating anyone the way I just did with him. If I still want to spend more time with him on this trip—which I definitely do—then I’ll need to figure out a way to explain myself.
So, after I take a few more minutes to appreciate the view, wishing I’d had my phone so I could take a few shots of the lake and surrounding hills filled with beautiful trees, I make the long trek back down the trail.
I can only hope my immature storm-out hasn’t made him feel like his time would be better spent somewhere else.
Like with Corinne.
Okay, that was a stupid thought. He already made it clear that she isn’t the person he wants to spend time with, that he’d basically rather shove bamboo under his fingernails than be around her on this trip.
Still, that insecurity inside of me, the one that says he could have sex with her and not feel as shitty as I probably made him feel, worries anyway.
I’m so distracted by my thoughts on the walk home that when I get there, I don’t notice the shoes outside the door as I kick off my own.
It isn’t until I open the door and walk in that I realize I’m not alone, my body coming to a dramatic halt when I find Boyd, fully dressed, seated at the small round table and drinking a glass of water.
“You’re…still here.” My words come out choppy, mostly because I feel confused.
Why is he still here?
Boyd rises from the table, his big body moving gracefully even though he dwarfs the tiny table and chairs, and then he strides toward me with purposeful steps, his eyes never leaving mine.
“I’m sorry,” he says, his eyes holding a sincerity I’ve not seen from a man…ever. “I didn’t mean to upset you or make you feel like you’re broken. You’re perfect.”
My mouth drops open, the seriousness of his statement and the honesty in his eyes too overwhelming.
He lets out a sigh, one hand rising and holding the side of my face, his gaze scanning my features.
“No, I’m sorry,” I finally manage to say. “I shouldn’t have laid a lifetime of shit on your shoulders and stormed out.”
It’s amazing to me that he’s still here. When Evan and I fought and I’d take a walk, he was always gone when I got home. I’m just surprised that he…stayed.
“I wasn’t expecting you,” he whispers.
I nuzzle my face into that strong hand, knowing exactly what he means. I wasn’t expecting him either.
Boyd bends and places a soft kiss on my lips, chaste and sweet. Then he pulls back, his eyes staying intent on my face, tracing over the sweat and handful of freckles.
“Are you hungry?” he asks. “I was thinking we could go into town and grab some dinner.”
I nod. “Yeah. That sounds good.”
He kisses me again, and I take the moment to breathe in that delicious smell of his, the one that’s now mixed with the scent of the bodywash from our earlier rendezvous in the shower.
Boyd is a different kind of man. When was the last time a man apologized to me like that? With sincerity and thoughtfulness leaking from his every pore?
If it’s happened, it surely hasn’t been recently, or come from a man who mattered in the course of my life.
My father certainly has never done it, his approach more along the vein of excuses than apologies, and Evan wasn’t the kind of guy to ever admit when he was wrong.
Clearly, I need to work on not lumping Boyd in with all the others who have let me down in the past.
