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“I want to heal from the trauma that was my life. I want wholeness and confidence enough to trust my own judgement. I don’t want to walk on eggshells for the sake of peace around everyone ever again. I’d like to learn how to stand up for myself, how to form friendships, and how to have healthy relationships.” Damn, the tears had started falling. She reached for a tissue.
“I … I need to find out what became of my mother, and why she cut off all contact with us after the divorce. I know that’s not exactly a therapy issue but gaining the courage to search for her is. She’s another issue that affects every decision I’ve ever made. It’s always there, that sense of absolute abandonment and unworthiness because the one person I thought loved me … left.”
“Given what you’ve told me about your father, is it possible he prevented your mother from having any contact with you and your brothers?”
Theresa’s brow rose. “I never considered that might be the case. Oh, it’s entirely possible. That sounds like something he’d do.”
Revelation number four, or was it five for the day? Her mind spun. How would she go about finding her mother? How would she deal with the disappointment if she learned her father hadn’t had anything to do with preventing her mother from being a part of her life?
“The good news is, the goals you’ve set for yourself through therapy are achievable, Theresa. Before our next session, I have some homework for you to do, and I also have a list of books I’d like to recommend that you read.” Jenna rose from her chair and crossed the room to the bookshelf. “This is a lending library. When you’re finished with a book, return it and choose another.”
“Do I need to sign the book out or anything?”
“No. I do this on the honor system. Most of the books were donated by clients who have completed therapy and wanted to pass their books along to others who are at the beginning of the process. A lot of the books have handwritten notes of encouragement inside. You might want to add notes of your own. No names, just notes.”
Theresa could buy the books, but the idea that others had left encouraging messages inside appealed to her. “Oh. Okay.”
Her therapist pulled out a book from the top shelf and handed it to her. “This is first on the list.” Jenna then moved behind her desk and opened a file drawer. She flipped through a bunch of folders and took out a packet of papers stapled together.
“How would you like to handle future sessions? I understand you’ll be on the road at some point. We can arrange virtual meetings if you’d like. I recommend weekly sessions to begin with, and as we progress, we can think about twice a month, then once a month.” She handed the packet to Theresa. “When you have a break from touring, you might consider getting involved with a support group. Our clinic manages several, and I can let you know when there’s an opening.”
“Okay. A support group sounds good.” She accepted the homework and stuffed the packet and the book about abusive relationships into her handbag. “I’d rather fly home between concerts and meet in person. I don’t want my sons or anyone else overhearing what we discuss. Besides, I just don’t think I could be as open if our sessions took place over the phone or through a computer screen.”
“Understandable. I feel the same. A lot of people prefer virtual meetings due to their busy schedules. So, we make that option available.” Jenna smiled. “Arrange your next session with the receptionist, and you can call her when you have your tour schedule in front of you to figure out the next few months.”
“All right. Thanks.” Theresa left the room and stopped at the appointment desk to make next week’s appointment. John joined her. He’d been sitting in the clinic’s waiting room. She left the building feeling wrung out, empty, but also lighter and more optimistic than she’d felt in a long, long time. More than anything, she needed to thank Caleb for suggesting therapy in a way that hadn’t caused her to feel ashamed.
“Charlie and Jeremy will be thrilled to be allowed outside again once we’re back,” she said, climbing into her SUV, which she’d parked in the back of the building this time. “They have so much energy.”
John gave her the single nod treatment. He fastened his seat belt while surveying the area around her SUV. “I just hope they followed my instructions and stayed inside with the doors locked, and the shades and curtains drawn.”
“I’m sure Elli did as you instructed.” Theresa pulled out of the parking lot and headed for home. She turned each of today’s revelations over in her mind as she drove. She could hardly wait to talk to Caleb.
She pulled into her driveway and shut off the engine just as her phone began to ring. Theresa fished it out of her purse, and her mood plummeted at seeing her lawyer’s number. She glanced at John as she answered. “Hi, Sonya. What’s up?”
“David is back in jail. He’ll likely be there for quite some time. I thought you’d want to know.”
Theresa frowned even as relief washed through her. “We haven’t caught a glimpse of him since we adopted Sully. What did he do to get thrown back in jail?”
“He violated the conditions of his release. It appears David has been under surveillance for several months in the hopes he’d lead the drug enforcement task force to his supplier. Your ex was caught with a substantial amount of cocaine and fentanyl in his possession, which the task force believes he intended to sell.”
“The idiot.” Theresa shook her head.
“Indeed. Under the circumstances, I want to push for a quick resolution to your custody case without needing to drag you into court, which would be a media circus. I need your permission to proceed. If I can get David to sign off, your divorce could be final within the week.”
How could she feel so relieved and so devastated at the same time? “You have my permission. Do whatever it takes. David is in no position to share custody.”
“I’ll get back to you as soon as I know something. It’s my understanding David no longer has legal representation regarding your divorce and custody issues. He’ll be assigned to a public defender for his other charges.”
Theresa shook her head again. She almost felt sorry for David. Almost. “Okay. Thanks, Sonya.”
John’s phone rang a second after the two of them got inside. He went back out to the garage to take the call. Sully bounded down the hall, followed by Jeremy and Charlie. “Are you guys hungry?” she asked.
“Yeah,” Charlie and Jeremy cried in unison.
“Great. How about grilled ham and cheese sandwiches, veggie chips and fruit salad?” Theresa crouched down to greet Sully. “And this character can have a chew treat.” What a day, and it wasn’t even noon yet.
John opened the door to the garage and gestured for her to come close. “The boss just informed me your ex is back behind bars and he’s being arraigned for intention to sell or distribute narcotics. He’s looking at two to four years, and it’ll be months before his trial comes up. I guess you don’t need me anymore,” he said, keeping his voice low.
