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“Me too,” Vanessa rasped out. “All I had with me was my purse and that garbage bag full of clothes. I didn’t have a dime to my name. If it hadn’t been for Beverly Foster, I would’ve been on the street with nowhere to go and no way to get there.” She drew in a long, shuddering breath.
“That’s what Greg wanted, you see. He’d told me as much while knocking me around. If only I’d do this and that and behaved, then he might consider allowing me to come back. Might.” Her words held the sharp edge of bitterness.
“What did you do?” Theresa wiped her cheeks with one hand, refusing to relinquish Caleb’s comforting touch and the steadiness flowing from him to her.
Vanessa waved a hand around her at their surroundings. “Well, I didn’t grovel, that’s for sure. I’d had my fill of being under Greg’s steel-toed boot heel. Mrs. Foster took me in. She helped me locate any extended family I still had living here on this reservation. Then, she drove me all the way from Portland, Oregon, to this very house. Bev filled the cabinets and the fridge with groceries, and she met and talked with my relatives to make sure I was settled and cared for before she headed back home.”
Vanessa tapped the table. “Your great-grandfather made this table and chairs with his own two hands. Our family took their meals together for generations around this old piece of oak. This is the house where I grew up. When my grandmother died, she’d left it to me, but by then I was already living with Greg in Portland.
“A couple of my cousins had moved in and took care of things for me. When I returned, only one of my cousins still lived here, and I was glad to have her as a roommate. I got a job and returned to school. That’s how things were for a few years, and then my cousin Cheryl got married and moved out. She and her husband live not too far from here.”
Theresa digested everything she’d learned. She didn’t doubt her mother’s story. It fit with what she knew about dear old Dad. Still, a question loomed. She turned to Caleb, looking for … something. Their eyes met, and he gave her the slightest of nods as if he knew what she was thinking and was offering her encouragement. Gratitude for his presence swelled, bringing a different kind of sting to her eyes.
“Okay, now I understand, but….” Theresa shook her head. “I’ve been an adult and out of Dad’s house for a long time. In fact, I have two boys of my own now … your grandchildren.” She arched her brow. “You could’ve contacted me at any time. Why didn’t you?”
Vanessa’s shoulders slumped forward. “That’s … complicated.”
“How so?” Theresa asked, her brow creasing. “Did you … uhm … do you know what I do for a living?”
“Of course! I watched every single episode of Star Launch, Theresa. We all did, and we all voted for you each and every episode. In fact, I’m sure this community of united tribes, and the Nez Perce in Idaho, played a huge role in helping you win.”
She said something in an unfamiliar language, and there was no mistaking the pride in her tone. “That means we are all related. Once word got out that one of our own had made it so far on that show, I don’t doubt that tribal nations all across the country were also watching and voting for you.”
“Oh.” Theresa blinked. “I wish I had some way of thanking everyone.”
“There is a way. We are your people, Theresa, and it’s time you got to know us. You’re eligible to enroll, and so are my grandsons. I’m hoping this day will be a new beginning for us, but if that’s not what you want, I’ll understand. I’ll respect your decision”
“I’d love to reconnect. I want to meet my extended family too. I’ve always longed to feel like I belong somewhere. It’s going to take time though.”
“We’ll take things slow. You can set the pace. Just know I’d love to be a part of your life, and I want to get to know my grandsons. As far as thanking us goes, you could come to next summer’s biggest pow-wow and sing a song for us.”
Theresa smiled, and her entire being lit up with excitement. “If the date works out, I’d love to, and of course I’ll sing.”
Caleb glanced at her. “Maybe we can do a benefit show, an outdoor concert to raise money for whatever the tribal council identifies as a need. Something for the schools maybe?”
“Oh, Caleb.” Her heart flipped. “What a wonderful idea. I’d love to do that.” Theresa flashed him a smile. “Text me information about the dates, Mom, and we’ll do what we can to coordinate something during that time frame.”
“I will.” Vanessa cleared her throat. “Okay. You asked why I never reached out to you, and I’ll do my best to explain. First, I didn’t know if you’d welcome contact from me after so long, and it’s not like your dad kept me up to date regarding your whereabouts and your married name,” she said.
“I didn’t have Mrs. Foster to inform me about those things anymore. I did contact Andrew, thinking I’d start with him to test the waters since he’s the oldest. He wanted nothing to do with me. My firstborn told me never to contact him again. I feared you and Jacob would respond the same way.”
Theresa couldn’t bear the bleak look in her mother’s eyes. “That doesn’t surprise me. Drew and Jacob are a lot like dad. I haven’t had any contact with them since moving to Santa Barbara. As much as I wish things were different, I can’t deny being far, far away from those three is a huge relief.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. When you kids were little, you were so close, and your big brothers adored you,” her mother said. “Another reason why I didn’t reach out to you was because I was ashamed. After I got on my feet, I should’ve tried to take legal action and insisted on joint custody, but I let fear of your father get in my way. After all the years I’d been absent from your lives, I didn’t believe I’d win if we went to court, either. Your father would’ve claimed I’d abandoned you, and how could I prove otherwise?”
Vanessa let loose a heavy sigh. “I regret being such a coward. Also, I became involved in my own life, busy with doing what I could for the children here, and time slipped by.” She wiped her eyes.
“Besides, your father was never abusive to you three like he was with me, and in the early years, I was so broke. I believed you were better off with him, growing up in your childhood home, going to the same school you’d always attended. You had stability there, and I couldn’t give you the same.”
“We weren’t better off. After you left, Dad turned all his anger and bitterness on us. He beat Andrew and Jacob, and Dad expected me to take over all the housekeeping duties. We weren’t allowed to do anything or go anywhere. None of us were even allowed to have any friends.”
Vanessa groaned, and her eyes filled again. “I am so, so sorry. I … I didn’t know, or I would have—”
“It’s not your fault; it’s his. There wasn’t anything you could’ve done.” Anger at her father stiffened her spine. “Prior to your absence, we lived a fairly normal life, and I don’t blame you, Mom. You couldn’t have known he’d turn on us the way he did.”
“It’s not okay, but we can’t change the past.” Vanessa placed both hands on the table and her expression turned to one of determination. “Don’t think for a minute that I ever stopped loving you and your brothers. Missing you three has been a constant ache in my heart, and it’s that love that guided me in my choice of careers.” She rose from her place at the table. “I’ll be right back. I have something for you.”
Her mother disappeared, and Theresa let go of Caleb’s hand and massaged her temples. “All these years … all this wasted time wondering, hurting.”
