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“And then you leave.”
Choked, completely. The tears squeezed my throat closed again. “You told me I could think about it.”
“No. You said you needed to think about it and I didn’t argue. What happened last night, Jess? What aren’t you telling me?”
I could lose my best friend.
I could lose you.
My mother could be right about everything.
I could hurt you more than you could ever hurt me.
The tears made it to my eyes, clung to my bottom lashes.
The breath he exhaled must have clocked a thousand degrees. “All right. Okay. Don’t cry, Jess. Please, don’t cry. It’s just one night, and then you’re mine, okay? Mine, for as long as I get to have you. Go on the date with him. But you need to know something.”
He took a step in my direction.
“It was one thing to pretend we were together. I could do that all day. But to act like I don’t care is too much. I might accidentally rip his fucking throat out. I won’t even mean to. He’ll just get too close and—” He squeezed his fist in front of him and pulled. Then he closed the space between us, backing me into the wall. “Do whatever you need to do. Go on this date with that stupid asshole fucker. And about staying? Come find me when you figure it out.” His lips were a breath away. “But if he kisses you again, I’ll kill him. Got it?”
I nodded, my lips tingling in anticipation for a kiss that, once met, I could have made a whole life in. But it ended too soon. He pushed off the wall and stormed out, leaving me panting against the bathroom wall, knowing what I wanted.
I just didn’t know if what I wanted was what was right.
38
whisky river
REMY
Come find me when you figure it out.
What an idiot. Now I had to wait.
Jessa and Henry entered the church together as the preacher led everyone through the motions. I burned holes in the back of Henry’s head with eyes like lava lasers from where I waited in the threshold of the sanctuary.
The sight of the two of them walking down the farm’s chapel aisle made me want to pop his head off and shove my boot down his throat.
Cass should have been on my arm, as I was the one giving her away, but she was busy at the front of the church in everybody’s business. I pulled my flask out of my sport jacket and took a heavy pull, noting that it was nearly empty. One of my teenaged cousins elbowed me and wiggled her fingers for the flask.
“Ha—I’m not getting bawled out by your mama tonight. No thank you.”
She pouted to the back of the pews as the preacher waved me on. I walked down the aisle with ghost-Cass at my side. Paused at the front to hand her off to real-Davis, then took my spot right next to Jessa.
Goddammit, I could smell her. I inhaled as discreetly as I could, masking it as a sigh through my nose, and the hairs on my arms stood at full attention and leaned in her direction.
I’d left the bar the second I came out of the can, swinging by Cass to tell her Mama’s truck had gotten stuck and she needed me to pull her out, making a note to tell Mama so I didn’t get busted. But I couldn’t stay. Selfish as it was, there was no fucking way I was going to be able to sit still for the rest of the night.
I should have for Cass, but she was half a bottle of Fireball deep, and judging by the bags under her eyes tonight, she probably didn’t remember when I left anyway.
Since getting to the church all of ten minutes ago, all I’d done was seethe and nurse my flask. It’d been the longest day, full of nothing. Not a phone call or a text or a goddamn word from her direction. I spent two hours chopping wood just to give myself something violent to do, not stopping until my arms were jelly and my hands were too slick from sweat to hold the axe. I tinkered with the Camaro for a while. Took two showers. Tried to eat but just ended up poking at my food. Every bite was sawdust in my mouth.
It wasn’t even the date that bothered me.
Okay, it bothered me, but it wasn’t the heart of the matter—tonight was going to be eternal if I had to watch Henry put his arm around her like he owned her. Touch her hand like he had any fucking right. I considered learning the names of all the hand bones just so I could recite them to him while I broke them one by one, but who had that kind of time?
Oh yeah. Me. I did.
