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For I don’t know how long I just stand there in shock, and all I hear is the beating of my heart as it thuds through my body. The loud pulsing is all-consuming as I stand there staring at my brother, but not really even seeing his face. This cannot be happening. Not now. Not ever. This cannot be happening.
In shock, I walk past Mick and into my room where I change my clothes and get my shoes on. I quietly go into Ireland’s room and stare down at my baby girl, and vow to do anything in my power to always protect her to the best of my abilities. I give her a gentle kiss on the forehead and then quietly leave her room. I join Mick in the living room while we wait for my mom to arrive. We don’t speak, we quietly wait in silence.
By Your Side
Jonathan
Beep . . . beep . . . beep . . .
What the hell is that noise? I’m in some sort of dream that has this incessant beeping noise that just won’t end. It’s hot, it’s dark and I have a raging fucking headache. I feel like I’m walking through a fog that’s too thick to penetrate, and I can’t seem to get out of it. I’m trying to find Emily. I can hear her voice in the distance, but I can’t get through the fog to find her.
Why won’t my eyes open? I feel like I’m fading, and the dream and Emily’s voice are slipping away.
Beep . . . beep . . . beep . . .
The fog is back. My head is still throbbing, and I can hear her voice again. I’m trying hard to get through the fog to get to her, but I just can’t get through it. I need to get to her. We have so much to talk about. Why can’t I reach her? Why am I trying to get through this fog with my damn eyes closed? Why can’t I open my fucking eyes?!
Open your eyes, you idiot! For Christ’s sake, open your damn eyes!
I’m tired and the dream is starting to fade again.
I never do find her.
Beep . . . beep . . . beep . . .
I can hear Emily again, and this time I can hear Devon too. I need to wake the hell up. I need to get out of this damn fog. They sound closer than before. I hear her telling him how stupid she is and that she’ll never forgive herself. Devon is reassuring her and telling her that I’m going to be okay and that the two of us will figure our shit out once I’m awake. This isn’t a dream after all, what’s happened to me? Why can’t I wake up?
Beep . . . beep . . . beep . . .
It’s quiet except for the loud beep that will not stop echoing in my damn head. My head still hurts like a son-of-a-bitch and my neck feels hot as hell. It doesn’t hurt like the back of my head does though. It almost feels like it’s on fire. It’s so quiet that Emily and Devon must have left. How long have I been asleep? Did she give up on me? Did she leave again?
I give it everything I have and finally feel my eyes start to slowly peel open. What I see when my eyes finally do open makes the effort worth it, and takes my breath away. Sleeping soundly curled up in a small chair right next to my bed is my sweet Gracie. She didn’t leave . . . she’s still here . . . she didn’t fucking leave. Everything hurts, but the relief I feel seeing her here, curled up in that chair makes me feel like I might just be okay.
The feeling is somewhat short lived when I try to speak her name. Shit that hurts. What the hell happened to me? Every time I try to say her name I feel like I’m trying to speak through a throat full of gravel. I know that I can do this. I need to see her open those beautiful blue eyes of hers; those eyes that reach into my soul and take away all my pain. I need her to comfort me like nothing and nobody else can.
I try once, twice and then on the third try, I finally get her name out loud enough to cause her to stir. When she does finally open those captivating pools of blue and it sinks in that I’m awake she gasps and is out of the chair and holding my hand in a flash. There are tears streaming down her face, and she keeps kissing my hand, scanning my face for what I don’t know, and saying how sorry she is over and over.
“Oh my God, let me call the nurse.”
“Emily,” I grunt out.
“No baby, don’t talk. Just take it easy, and wait until they come in and check you out.”
I nod my head to let her know I will obey, and I don’t miss that she called me baby. Fuck that feels good.
It’s all I’ve ever wanted.
Just to be hers and for her to be mine.
I don’t take my eyes off of her. She holds my gaze and my hand, and her tears keep streaming down her face.
“It’s so good to see those eyes that go with that handsome face of yours. It’s been two days, but it feels like two years. I got you baby, you’re going to be fine,” she says still holding my hand as the nurse comes in and starts to check me out. She’s an older, round woman who looks like somebody who gives great hugs.
“Good evening, sir. Well, I guess it’s good morning now. How are you doin’ Mr. Kelly? I’m Nurse Jackson and I’ve been looking after you.” I instantly feel comfortable with her, she has that mama bear thing about her.
“My throat and my head hurt.” I manage to grunt out.
“Well, that’s not a surprise,” says a man’s voice from behind Nurse Jackson.
