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“It’s been so hard for me to forgive you for not telling me you were sick, mom. You knew when I was home and you didn’t tell me. For the longest time I couldn’t understand how you could not tell me. I heard the reasons you gave, and they were never enough. But I finally figured it out. If you had done things differently, I probably wouldn’t have gone back to California. I wouldn’t have met my Gracie. As much as I wish I could have been there for you, Mom, thank you so much for sending me back to California and to the love of my life.”
Feeling a little stronger, I raise myself up to sit cross-legged on the blanket. Emily is facing me, but at an angle with her cheek on my shoulder, just letting me have my moment. I turn my head to look at her and she lifts her head so that her eyes meet mine, and I can see the tears that have just started to fall down her cheeks. She smiles at me and puts her head back down on my shoulder.
“Mom, I found it. That love that you always said was out there waiting for me. I found it and I get it now. You were right, and when you know, you just know. I had to wait over five years to get her back, but she’s here Mom.”
Another grateful tear falls.
“And not only am I lucky enough to have found The One, but she has a beautiful little girl named Ireland. Emily and Ireland…they are what I’ve been missing, thank God they found me. You would love them both, and it really sucks that they don’t get to have you in their lives. You would have been the best Grandma, and I am so sorry you didn’t get to experience that.”
I turn towards Emily’s head on my shoulder and can’t help myself when I take a small whiff. I love her smell and don’t think I will ever get enough of it.
I feel her shoulders shake when she silently giggles at the move she catches me doing so often.
I have no shame when it comes to her, and don’t care who knows it. Yes, I am that guy that has to sniff his girlfriend from time to time. So what?
“Mom, these girls are everything to me. They are both kind, funny and beautiful. Emily is a bit, how should I say it? Independent. She has raised Ireland on her own all these years and Mom, she has done an amazing job. She’s the coolest kid I have ever met.” I turn so Emily knows my next words are more for her, even if I’m directing them to my mom. “Mom, I’m doing everything I can to let Emily see that it’s okay to let somebody take care of her for a change. I know she hates to lean on anybody but herself but I sure hope I can change that.”
Emily places a sweet kiss to my forehead, she takes my face in her hands and those sky blue eyes of her search mine. “Jonathan, you’ve already broken down those walls. You have taught me to trust and to love and to let somebody else take care of me. You did that when nobody else could. I love you and I’m all in. I hope that we take care of each other for a very long time. You're my always and forever Jonathan.”
“See Mom, she’s the one. She loves me just like you always dreamed somebody other than you would love me. Life doesn’t get much better than this, does it? The only thing missing is you. I miss you so much, Mom.”
The tears are back but just tears, I’m able to keep it together this time around.
“Watching the work that Emily puts into being a single parent has given me just a glimpse of how hard it had to have been for you day in and day out taking care of me on your own. Thank you, Mom. Thank you for giving me all the love and support a kid could ever need and for taking such great care of me. I never went without, and I see now how hard you worked to make that happen for me. I love you, mom, and I miss you every day.”
I move us so that we’re now both lying on our backs with our faces pointed towards the sky, holding hands. No more words are spoken. Eventually, Emily rolls to her side and puts her head on my chest and her leg over mine and I pull her tight into my side. I swear this woman has done more for me and my sanity than any shrink will ever do. She gets me, and she gives me so much more than I can ever give back to her.
Friday morning, the women brave the mall and all the Black Friday shoppers while the three of us men stay home, watch football and continue to recover from our food comas from the day before. I don’t know how the girls were all up and out the door at the butt crack of dawn this morning. It was like they didn’t have a care in the world while we were all still sleeping.
I only know when they left because Emily came by my make-shift bed and kissed me on the cheek and ran her hand through my hair before she left. I didn’t open my eyes, but I felt it all, and I had sweet dreams for the rest of the morning.
Robert is in his recliner, Liam is hanging off of the love seat, and I’m sprawled out all over the couch when the girls come home hours later. It takes everything I have to pull my comatose ass up to a seated position to greet them. Ireland doesn’t give me much choice but to wake up as she runs over to me and jumps into my lap to tell me all about her day. A day that included lots of crazy people at the mall, lots of secret shopping for Christmas presents, lunch at Romano’s Macaroni Grill and her first pedicure.
She takes off her shoes and socks and shows me her adorable little pink toenails and tells me how much it tickled. She had ‘so much fun’!
“Sounds like you had a great day, Princess. What’s in the box?”
She jumps off my lap and grabs the box from the table. It’s over half her size and looks like a little house.
“Mrs. Fanua and Kate got me an early birfday present, and it’s the best! We went to Build-A-Bear and I got to make my own stuftie, Jonafon! I got to pick the bear, and sprinkle all her stuffing with love and then help with the machine while she got stufted. Then, I got to pick an outfit for her. Wanna see?”
“Of course I do. Let’s see whatcha got?”
She’s talking so fast she can barely breathe and I can’t help but chuckle as she digs into the box.
I look up at the girls and they’re all watching us with huge smiles on their faces. I figure out why a moment later when Ireland pulls out her stuftie. She’s a pink bear with white on the bottom of all four of her paws and she’s dressed in a police uniform.
Once again this little girl has me in the palm of her hand and is slowly melting my heart into a big pile of goo. I know she has Mick in her life too, but I still can’t put into words how it feels to see this damn bear.
“Wow, Princess, I like her a lot. She’s a police bear huh?”
“Yep, just like you and Uncle Mick. Pretty cool, right?”
“The coolest,” I say mesmerized by this little girl and everything she makes me feel.
“Tell him what you named her,” Emily says from across the room.
“Oooh, you’ll like it, Jonafon! You know how mommy calls you Georgia after your state? Well, I named my bear Savannah after your city! Now she has a nickname like the rest of us! Do you like it?”
