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Still whispering she says, “My name is Ireland, what’s yours?”
Did she say, Ireland? This cannot be happening. I just keep hearing Emily telling me that she loved all things Irish back in California.
“It’s nice to meet you, Ireland. My name is Jonathan.”
“Hi, Jonafon.”
I think she might be the cutest thing I have ever seen.
Trembling I take a couple of steps into her room but not far enough to frighten her.
“Ireland, how old you?”
“I’m four with a half.”
My heart has jumped out of my body, I just know it has. I was never great at math but even I can do this math. Just as I feel I might have a God damned heart attack right here and now I feel a hand on my shoulder. I startle and turn around to see Cami holding what I think is a baby monitor in her hand just as Ireland says, “Sorry, Aunt Cami. I can’t sleep. This is Jonafon, he’s a friend of momma’s and Uncle Mickey’s.”
Still with her hand on my shoulder, Cami says, “He’s a friend of mine too, Ireland, and I’m glad you two could meet, but you need to go to sleep. I was supposed to be making sure you were sleeping tonight and I’m gonna get in trouble if you don’t get to dreaming, little one.”
“Okay, I’ll try better, Aunt Cami.”
Cami walks over to the bed and tucks her covers in around her and kisses her on the forehead. On her way back to the door she turns me around to leave with her.
“Bye, Jonafon. See you later,” the cutest voice on the planet whispers.
“What the hell is going on, Cami? She’s four and a half?”
I can barely breathe.
“Let Emily explain, Jonathan. Just listen to her. You may not like everything you hear and you may not understand it all but she’s worth it. But I think you already know that though.”
I see her look over my shoulder and give a nod of her head.
“I’m gonna let you two talk. I’ll stay in here and listen for Ireland and you guys go out front where you can talk in private.”
I still haven’t turned to look at Emily, but I feel her as she gets closer and then walks past me and to the front door. She opens the door, walks out and leaves the door open behind her.
Cami gives me a push and says, “Go. She’s worth it. They both are, Jonathan.”
And with that Cami leaves me standing alone in the living room. I stand there for a beat because I’m just not sure I’m ready to hear what Emily has to tell me. I finally nut up and make myself go outside.
When I get to the front porch I see Emily sitting out in the middle of the big grassy front yard. She’s just sitting there cross-legged, staring into the star-filled sky and playing with the dragonfly on her necklace like she always does when she gets nervous.
I walk out to join her but I just can’t sit right now. I have too many questions and too many emotions raging through me and I have to keep moving so that I don’t explode.
“I see you met Ireland?”
“She’s four, Emily.”
“She is.”
“Fuck, Emily! Is she mine?”
Emily jumps up in an instant and is on her feet and standing right in front of me. Well, she’s trying to but I won’t stop pacing so she finally grabs me by the arms and stops me. I feel the connection as always but push it away. I’m too pissed at the moment to enjoy the feeling.
“Jonathan, no. She’s not yours. I am so sorry that you thought that. You must be so freaked out right now. She’s not yours but every day I wish she was.”
I bend over and put my hands on my knees and hang my head as I try to fill my lungs with air again. Oh, thank fuck! If she had kept my child away from me, I could never forgive her.
