AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I understand he needs time to think, I really do, but I have so many questions for him now. To start with does he think I’m a slut because I was with him just weeks after Harrison? Does he think I didn’t mean it when I told him that I loved him back then? And of course, I am back to thinking he hates me again. I just need to know where we stand and where we go from here.
I want to know all of this but at the same time, I don’t even know what I want from him.
I know that I feel all the same things I felt before and that I love being around him. He is still drop-dead gorgeous and I miss his dimples that don’t seem to make many appearances these days. I know I have missed him every day, but what do I want from him?
I have Ireland now, it’s not just me.
I can’t let her get attached to somebody if it’s not the real deal, but at the same time, I don’t want him to think that I expect him to be her fill-in dad. I don’t need a man in my life to take care of me and my little girl. I have done that on my own for the past four and a half years. The problem is now that he’s here I do feel like I need Jonathan in my life. I don’t just need him in my life, I want him in my life. There may not even be a reason for me to wonder all these things because he may never want to see me again after last night.
Ireland and I are walking home from the park with Frank and I see that the driveway has filled up while we were gone. Mickey is hosting Sunday football at his place today. Seattle is playing the Rams and since this is Portland I have a feeling there will be a lot of Seahawk fans here today. Since Portland doesn’t have a team most people root for the Hawks, but after all my years in California, I’m pulling for the Rams today.
I have no idea who all is here but I hope they can keep the foul language to a minimum with Ireland around. I feel so bad that I am cramping my brother’s style and I hope he doesn’t grow to regret having us stay with him.
We go in through the garage so I can throw away Franks bag-o-poop and come in from the laundry room and through the kitchen. I get stopped here by Shelley, Marnie and also Trish, who is Wesley’s fiancé.
In the short time I’ve been back all of the ladies, and their husbands, have been incredibly welcoming. There’s something to be said for the family that is created within a police department. It’s a life that those not living it will ever understand. I may not be an officer, and I may not be married to one but I grew up with a dad in that line of work and now my brother is doing the same thing so, I get it. They have all offered to babysit, given me advice on day cares, the best stores in the area, where to eat and where not to eat…you name it and these ladies can fill you in. The best part is, so far, they don’t seem too gossipy. But I am the newbie so things could change.
Ireland is still holding my hand as we chat about who brought what to eat, and Trisha and I confess that we really do love football and that we kinda wanna go watch.
“Mommy, if you go watch the game with Uncle Mickey can I too?”
“Only if you’re quiet, sweetie. And you have to let your uncle watch the game.”
“I pwomise, mommy.”
“Ok, go ahead and I’ll be right there.”
After a few more minutes, Trisha and I go to see if there’s anywhere to sit in the living room or if I need to grab a chair from the kitchen table. The first thing I see when I walk into the living room is the love seat that is filled with Jonathan and Courtney Sandberg. They aren’t just sharing said ‘love seat’ but she is all up in his business sitting as close to him as she can without sitting on his lap. His arm is resting on the back of the chair behind her shoulders.
His eyes meet mine and he just looks at me and gives me a slight shake of the head as though he’s trying to tell me it’s not what it looks like.
I feel the burst of rage color my face as I try not to storm out of the room and pretend I don’t care about what I’m seeing in front of me. That would be too easy though because this is exactly when Ireland sees Jonathan too. She walks up to him and leans on the arm of the love seat only inches away from him. “Hi, Jonafon.”
“Hi, Ireland. What have you been up to?”
“Mommy and I took Frank to the park.” She says for everybody to hear and then leans in his ear to whisper. She hasn’t quite figured out that she isn’t talking quiet enough because we can all hear her say, “He pooped in the grass and then Mommy had to use a bag to pick it up. It was so icky.”
This gets some chuckles from the room and a, “Way to go Frank! Thanks for doing it on your walk with Emmers and not me! Score one for big brother!” from Mickey.
I just make a smart ass little sister face at him and shake my head.
“It is kinda icky but I have to do the same thing when my dog, Frances poops,” Jonathan says sounding completely engaged in his conversation about dog poop with my little girl.
By now she’s propped herself up on the arm of the love seat and is practically sitting in Jonathan’s lap when she asks, “Oooohhh, you have a dog too? Her name is Frances?”
This has got to be annoying Jonathan and his date so I try to step in and save him.
“Baby girl, let’s leave Jonathan and his friend alone. Come on.”
Being the good girl she is she immediately starts to get down.
“Nah, she’s not bothering me. In fact, here I’ll show you a picture of Frances.”
With his offer of Frances pictures, Ireland climbs up in his lap and Courtney has to move away from him as his arm comes down to get his phone out of his back pocket to show pictures to Ireland. Courtney seems put out, but Jonathan doesn’t even give her a passing glance. He just focuses all his attention on Ireland.
I leave them to it and let him know that if she starts bothering him to send her to me. I calmly walk down the hallway and into the guest bathroom where I lock the door behind me.
I should be happy that he’s so good with her, but in some ways, it breaks my heart thinking of what could have been.
