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I also shouldn’t be so angry that he’s here with badge bunny, Courtney. I have no claim to him and he’s free to be with whoever he wants. But why her? Why bring her here today of all days?
I’ve only been back a short time and I’ve already heard all about her from my brother. According to Mickey she just seems to be everywhere they are, and he would bet his brand new house that she’ll end up marrying some poor schlub from the department in the next year. I hate that Jonathan would want to be with somebody like her. But I guess he’s a guy and they have needs that, from what I hear, she will take care of.
Seeing him with Ireland was almost harder on me than seeing him with that skank.
He seems to have gotten the same reaction from her that he did last night; one of familiarity and ease. She went to him and just climbed up in his lap and he let her get comfortable and lean back into his chest while he showed her pictures of his beloved dog. I mean how freaking amazing is that? Now, if only I was in Courtney’s seat, it would be the picture I had always dreamed about. But nope, here I am hiding in the damn bathroom.
Enough! I will not hide from him.
I open the door and head to the kitchen to make myself a drink. I can’t help but peek into the living room as I try to stealthily pass by without being noticed. Ireland is now on the floor sitting between Jonathan’s feet playing with his phone. I can’t even take the site of it so I just keep on walking to what is now an empty kitchen. I can see through the kitchen window that the ladies are out on the back deck. I open a cupboard and grab a glass and as I turn to get my diet coke and ice, Jonathan walks into the room. His eyes lock with mine and it’s almost like he’s daring me to look away.
“Hey, Em.”
“Hey.”
“She’s awesome, Emily.”
“Thanks,” I say quietly looking down at the glass in my hand.
“I mean it, Em. She’s freaking amazing. You’ve done such a great job.”
And cue the tears. I spin back to the cupboard so he doesn’t see the tears that I’m begging not to fall.
I can feel his body heat on my back and I hear him say just loud enough for me to hear. “I am so sorry for leaving last night, Em. My mind was whirling with so many crazy things and I needed to take it all in. Hell, for about five minutes I thought maybe I was a dad and then I wasn’t. I mean I know she doesn’t look like me, but the hair and eyes are so much like Mick that I thought maybe she just looked like her uncle? I was so relieved I wasn’t her dad and disappointed at the same time. It was just a lot and I’m sorry.”
I feel his hands on my hips as he slowly turns me around. We’re only a couple of inches away from each other but I can’t look at him and I just keep looking down at the empty glass in my hand. I don’t have the strength to look at him.
“Em, I know we’re just getting to know each other again, but I would really like to spend time with you and maybe see what happens. I understand why you wouldn’t have told me about being pregnant back in San Clemente. I didn’t at first, but when I put myself in your shoes, I get it, Em. I really do. Do I wish it had gone a different way, sure, but I do understand.”
I finally look up into his eyes that have always seen me…the real me. I can see that he’s being completely genuine and really does forgive me, or at least can appreciate why I made the decision that I did. I can’t believe he still wants me. And did he say he was disappointed that Ireland wasn’t his?
“What do ya say, Em?”
“Jonathan, I can’t just try something again. My life is different now and I have a little girl to think of. I have work and school. I am not the same person I was back then, I’m a freaking single mom! I don’t know that I have it in me to try again.”
We’re interrupted with shouts and curses from the living room and I hear the rustle of bodies moving around. Jonathan takes a couple steps away from me and leans against the kitchen sink
“Touchdown!” Mick yells as he saunters into the kitchen with his hands above his head. “You guys are missing all the fun! The Hawks are killing it.”
Not feeling it, but mustering all the little sister sass that I can, I reply. “Sorry to break it to you big brother but I’m a Rams fan now. I’ll be in there shortly and I’ll be bringing them some luck. Sorry to say but your Hawks are going down.”
“Did you seriously just say that you are a damn Rams fan, now?”
“That I did. The Chargers are really my team but any California team will do.”
“Jesus, that California sun did some damage to your brain didn’t it?”
He has the funniest look on his face. Like he’s a cross between confused and sad for the loss of his little sister’s ability to make sense.
“Your little sister is just fine big brother. Don’t you worry about my brain damage. Any damage that’s been done to my brain was done in my formative years by my big brother. Nice try thinking you can blame that on the California sun.”
He doesn’t say anything just walks past me to the fridge, grabs a couple beers, and holds them in one hand. He needs the extra hand to pull on my ponytail as he walks past me.
“Truth.”
“That’s what I thought, Mickey. Love you, big bro.”
“Love you too, Emmers.”
