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“Honey, he’s the love of your life. Of course, you’re still in love with him.”
“Cami, come on, that’s a bit dramatic, don’t you think?”
“Had you ever been in love before Jonathan?”
“No.”
“How about since?”
“Cami, you know the answer to that question. Why are you doing this to me?” I whine like a petulant child and throw myself on the bed.
“Because it may have only been nine days, but Em, he was the one. The worst part of it is that you let him get away. Now, we know you can’t go back in time and you aren’t the same person he met in San Clemente five years ago but neither is he, Em. You’ve both been through a lot since then and that’s bound to change you both.”
She walks over to where I am and flops herself down on the bed next to me. As we both lay on our backs staring at the ceiling, she grabs my hand and we lay there for a few silent minutes.
“You may not be the same girl you were when he met you but one thing I’m sure of is that I have watched you turn in to an amazing woman these last five years. You are so strong, Em. I am so proud of you. Maybe when you’re ready…and he’s ready…you guys can sit down and talk about things.”
“Thanks, Cam, and I really do love your optimism, but if you had seen him tonight…well you would realize that there is no way he will ever feel like talking to me.”
“Well, keep an open mind and if the opportunity presents itself and just remember, no regrets. Now let’s get you to bed. You need to sleep and hopefully you’ll feel better in the morning.”
I know that she’s right. The two of us have always vowed to live our life with no regrets, but right now I’m full of them.
I’m not sure how, but I do fall asleep. I dream of hazel eyes and dimples, cottages and walks on the beach.
3
Jonathan
I can’t believe I am spending my Saturday morning in this ridiculous spin class. Most of all, I cannot believe I let D beat me at a game of freaking Horse. I mean seriously, when was the last time I played Horse and since when do I let D beat me at anything? He has a horrible jump shot and I always beat him in hoops. But here I am…so I guess I don’t always win after all. Or maybe Horse is just not my game?
If I’m honest with myself though just being here is pretty damn cool. I could not be more proud of Devon for opening this place. The Gym is his baby and I don’t mind supporting him in any way that I can. He saved for so long and found the perfect business partner, and just a little over a month ago they opened the doors to their very own fitness club simply called The Gym.
The name is actually pretty damn perfect if you ask me. Nobody ever says they’re going to 24 Hour Fitness, they say they’re going to the gym. Pretty ingenious. But that’s Devon McCoy; he’s smart and when he sets his mind to something he gets it done. Kinda like getting me out of the house. He knows that I’ve been in a funk since seeing Emily last Saturday night and being here will probably do me some good.
At least it’s not Zumba. I should be grateful. Come to think of it I almost feel like Spin Class isn’t such a bad debt to pay after all when Zumba could have been in the mix of punishments. Devon’s better half, Gabby, is the instructor this morning and I hear the lights are turned down for most of the class. So, there are a couple pros right there. It’ll be dark, Gabby is the instructor and it’s not Zumba! Thank God for small miracles.
I made sure to get here early enough to snag a bike in the back of the room. As I get my bike set for my height and get situated I see Gabby walk over to the light switch to turn the lights down. Right as she turns the lights down the entire room lights up when Emily, Cami, and the same exotic looking brunette I saw with them at Kells, walk through the door. Talk about thanking God for small miracles.
The room is dark but I can still see them. Emily and Cami each hug Gabby and introduce her to their friend whiles she leads them to the three bikes she had saved for them up front.
God, she is just as beautiful as I remember. This morning with no make-up on and her hair up in a ponytail, she’s perfect. I only got to see her with the light on for half a second but that’s all I needed.
She’s shaking hands with the person on the bike to her right and introducing herself. I can hear her voice and it is so soothing. As always, she’s making those around her comfortable by introducing herself to the person next to her at Spin Class. Even at Spin Class, she goes that extra mile without even trying. I haven’t said two words to the people on my left and right, but I’m an asshole so that’s to be expected. God, I want to hate her but she makes it impossible.
Just as Gabby turns on her mic and starts to talk to the class, I see Devon standing in the doorway of the room with a shit-eating grin on his face that is directed right at me.
That fucker! This was a set-up. He knew she would be here today and now I know why I’m not in Zumba class on this fine August morning. He’s so going to pay for this. What. A. Dick.
I shouldn’t be surprised he set this up though. He chewed my ass Saturday night because apparently Emily was pretty upset when she left. He asked me what I had said to shake her up and I was honest with him. It wasn’t what I said but how I said it. I was cold. I was angry. He said that if I was trying to hurt her, I had succeeded and that I should probably apologize to her. I strongly disagreed with him since she’s the one that tore my heart out of my chest, threw it on the ground and stomped it into the hot cement outside the Pier Side Inn five years ago.
To this Devon replied that there may have been a very good reason and that maybe I should try to find out what that was now that time has passed. I told him that when I asked her if she was still unavailable she just walked away, so clearly she isn’t available so why bother? He then proceeded to tell me I was an idiot and said we were leaving. When he dropped me off at home he not so gently told me to get some sleep and snap the fuck out of my ‘look how bad the world sucks’ attitude. Come the light of day though, I realized he was right and I’ve been wishing I had handled the situation better. I knew I would see her again one day but it didn’t go exactly how I had always dreamed it would go.
Before I realize it the class has started. The music is blasting through my eardrums and I’m cycling my ass off. It’s hot, it’s dark and it’s loud but I could give a fuck because in front of me is one of the best views I have ever seen. That view comes complete with Emily in an outfit that looks similar to what she wore on our hike, the day I kissed her for the first time. That was one of the best days of my life but it feels like it was a hundred years ago. I know that I have always said that I knew I would see her again, but this just all seems like some fantasy come to life.
I mean…when I moved to Portland of course,I thought there was a chance I would see her, and I would be lying if I didn’t admit to myself that I look for her on the street fifty times a day just hoping I’ll bump into her. Then last week I finally do bump into her and what do I do? Jack it all up and treat her like shit. Looks like I’m the dick.
The thing is, I’ve spent the last five years thinking she must have been sick and dying. Why else would she have just walked away from what we’d found in each other in such a short period of time? Seeing her looking healthy, happy and still hot as fuck at Kells, sent me into a tailspin. I’ve been miserable for years and she couldn’t look happier. That just pissed me right off.
