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After the couple of classes that I have in the morning and some one-on-one math work with Austin, I do a little work in the office making some copies and getting some things done for Heidi. Busy work, but I’ll take it. I know I’m lucky to be assisting in the SPED program here, and I want to soak up as much as I can from her while I have the opportunity.
I pop into the staff lounge to rinse out my coffee cup real quick. Before I head out, Coach Barnes enters the room. He does his usual flirty hello, but then leans against the counter and says he’s heard what’s going on with the threats, and to let him know if I need anything. I thank him, but I’m a little embarrassed. I wonder who said something. As far as I know, only Heidi, Blackburn and the principal are aware. I hate to think that the staff is talking about me. This is not the way I want to get noticed at work.
I return to the classroom, organize all the paperwork I just copied for Heidi and get her set up for her next class. I gather my things and head out the door to where Jonathan should be waiting for me since he won’t let me drive myself to work. I know that he’s worried and being overprotective, but at some point, he will have to go back to work and he won’t be able to drive me every day. If I’m being honest with myself though, I love it. I love every minute with him and I plan on enjoying every minute with him that I can. Time to start living today like it’s my last!
I walk out the school doors and there they are; my two favorite people. I can’t contain the smile that spreads across my face at just the sight of the two of them together. Ireland is in the truck with the window down while Jonathan stands on the outside of the truck with his shoulder leaning against the door. They’re clearly in deep conversation. Ireland sees me and starts smiling which causes Jonathan to turn around and there they are…those dimples. What a great feeling to know that Ireland and I have brought those dimples out to say hi again.
I think we’re helping him just as much as he’s helping us. I see that light in his eyes slowly coming back, and I feel it inside me as well. He was the light in my darkness when I met him all those years ago, and today we seem to be the light in his darkness too.
21
Jonathan
It’s the little things in life that really matter. One of those things is bringing a smile to one adorable four-year-olds face. Seeing her reaction to me picking her up yesterday has had me itching for the same thing again today.
As I pull my truck into a spot in front of Ireland’s school, I’m shocked at just how truly excited I am to pick her up. I guess knowing somebody is equally as happy to see you will have that effect on you. It’s kind of addictive.
When I get there I sign in at the desk so that I can check Ireland out. The moment she sees me, she comes running towards me with her blonde curls bouncing around her perfect little face. She hugs my leg real quick, then heads to her cubby to get her hoodie and backpack, and comes running back to me.
After losing Shell, and then my mom, I have felt like a shadow of myself. I’ve spent years barely getting through my days without feeling anything. No real joy, anger, love or fear. Not having a sense of fear in my line of work just isn’t safe, and I can see now that some of the situations I’ve put myself in at work were because I didn’t have that fear or care that anything might happen to me. This little one and her momma, though…they make me care…make me want to be safe.
As we walk to the truck with her tiny little hand in mine I say, “So Princess, you ready to go get your mommy?”
“Yep.”
When I buckle her into her seat, she’s right there face to face with me and I see a look I’ve never seen on her face; one of concern and maybe apprehension.
Searching the perfect little features of her face I cautiously ask, “Is something wrong, Ireland?”
“No,” she whispers.
“You know you can tell me anything, Princess.” I try again.
She just looks at me unsure but doesn’t speak. I give her space like I know her mom sometimes needs and she waits until I am in the driver’s seat to speak. It’s almost like not being face to face is easier for her.
“Mommy seems sad. I was finkin’ we could get her a yummy and that might make her feel better.”
“You think that will do the trick?”
“Yes, and I know just what she loves, Jonafon!” she says with confidence.
“A cake pop?”
“Yes! Pink and sprinkles! How did you know?”
Yep, when it comes to Emily my brain is a steel trap. I haven’t forgotten a thing. While I’m happy that I still know her as well as I once did, I’m more concerned that this sweet little thing thinks her momma is sad and needs to be cheered up.
“Sweetheart, why do you think your momma is sad?” I ask as I pull out of the parking lot.
“Because at bedtime she squeezed me extra-long and I fink hers was crying when she left me at school today.”
Shit!
“Okay, then I think you’re right Princess. She needs a cake pop!”
She is young, yet so wise. It’s clear that this mother and daughter are close, and that Emily clearly can’t keep much from Ireland no matter how hard she tries. There is no way to explain to Ireland what is going on because it would scare her to death, and I’m sure Emily feels helpless in this situation. Threatening notes and pictures just aren’t things you share with your four-year-old, and I don’t think it’s my job to tell her. I’ll leave that to her momma. When I find out who is doing this, I am going to tear them limb from fucking limb.
Not sure how I missed the tears this morning, but I did wait in the truck while she dropped Ireland off. She must have gathered herself before coming back out of the building. Emily is strong, but she isn’t invincible. Even tough momma’s like Emily can only take so much.
