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She hiccups as I pull her up off the ground and slam her to my chest as I engulf her in my arms. Kissing the top of her forehead, I tell her, “It’s okay. I’ll take you.”
When she pulls back, tears are streaming down her face, but she is so fucking strong. Keeping her head up, she nods and starts walking to the door.
I open the car door for her and when she plops down in the passenger seat, I grab the seat belt buckling her in.
When we pull up in front of the hospital, Ella doesn’t even wait till the car is at a complete stop before she shoots out of her seat running through the doors. I let out an exasperated breath, as I place the car in park and follow her in, jogging to catch up with her.
I find her at the nurses station speaking to one of the nurses, who is looking at Ella with concern. I come up behind her placing my arm around her waist, trying to give her comfort and strength through my touch, not that she needs it.
“Hi. I’m looking for Marcus Thomas, one of the nurses called me.”
“And your name?” the nurse asks as she types on the computer.
“Ella Thomas. I’m his daughter.”
The nurse looks up at her with a look of concern, “Yes, Ms. Thomas. His room is 221. Down the hall and to the left.”
Ella doesn’t even slow down; she grips my arm and pulls me down the hall as she shouts back at the nurse, “Thank you.”
When we enter, my eyes go to the thin, frail man lying in the bed with a thread bare gown covering him. Tubes surround him that are all connected to machines, each one beeping for a different reason.
Ella cautiously walks up to him. I can feel the sorrow and terror rolling off her. I hang in the back of the room, giving her the time that she needs with her father. I don’t go too far though in case she needs me.
Leaning down, she whispers, “Hello, Papa. I’m sorry it's been so long since I’ve been here to visit.”
She doesn’t say anything else, just sits there as she rubs his arm with her hand, staring at him. Her eyes never leave him as the tears stream down her beautiful face. Fuck she’s been crying alot lately.
I vow right then to make it my life mission to make her smile as much as possible.
twenty-two
Ella
No matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to stop the tears from coming. I knew this day would come, I've been planning for it, but that doesn’t make it easier. He looks so small, frail. He’s not the same man I remember from when I was a little girl.
He was always a huge force in life. Pushing me on the swings at the park down the street from our house. Mother sitting on a picnic blanket watching us as we play together. How he would help me with my homework. Watching movies together to help take our minds off of things when mom got sick. Laughter and love surrounding us. Those days were the best ones of my childhood.
I’m lost in my head when the doctor comes in, “Ms. Thomas, like I said on the phone, his heart is failing. I think it's time to let him go. We can give him medicine to make him comfortable as we turn the machines off. Do you have any questions?”
I hear him but I can’t seem to focus on any particular words. I stay silent because I’m not sure there is to say anything. The doctor just waits patiently as he studies me. A large arm comes around and wraps around me, and I can feel his heat, his comfort. Leaning into my ear, he whispers in my ear, “Do you have any questions?”
Shaking my head, I’m able to squeak out, “No.”
I don’t dare look up though, I just keep my gaze on my father while I take the comfort that Mikahil gives me. But I can feel the doctors and nurses move about me as they do their job. Slowly the room goes from a cacophony of noises to dead silence and the silence hurts.
I don’t dare leave. I can’t leave him behind, no matter how hard I try, I can’t hold it in. The pain. The loss. A sob breaks free and Mikhail holds me tighter. “He was the last of them. Now I’m all alone.”
Mikhail turns my body to him leaning down to make us eye level. “Listen to me, Ella. You are not alone. You will never be alone. I love you, Ella, and you're my family now.”
Hiccupping, I grip him, holding on to him as if he’s my anchor and without him I would drift away. “What would I do without you,” I whisper.
He puts his fingers beneath my chin, forcing me to look at him. The look in his eyes takes my breath away. “You will never have to find out.”
We don’t say anything else, turning back toward my father, embracing each other as he takes his last breath.
He was a good papa. Knowing it's time, I untangle myself from Mikhail, shuffling up toward my father’s face.
It’s easier to see his face now that he doesn’t have any wires and masks covering it. We have the same eyes, the same nose and the same coloring. The last few years have been hard on both of us, but I’m glad he never knew the woman he married or how her and her daughters tried to destroy me and our memories. Leaning down, I give him a small kiss on his cheek. “Bye, Papa. Say hi to Mama for me.”
