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AaRogue: I know.
I waited for a follow-up sentence, but nothing came.
Licia: Okay, so maybe you're right. But it's only because I haven't done something like that before and I panicked.
AaRogue: I would've understood if you'd explained that to me, Licia.
Licia: I know. I'm sorry. That's why I'm here now.
I took a deep breath before typing my next words.
Licia: I met someone.
For thirty seconds—yes, I counted—there was no response. I wasn't sure what to think.
AaRogue: Tell me more.
Licia: We're not together or anything, but things… have happened. I just thought you should know.
AaRogue: Why?
Good question. I was beginning to think I had imagined this entire thing.
Licia: I don't know, AaRogue. I'm confused. Weren't you angry that I ghosted you?
AaRogue: I wasn't angry; even if I was, it wouldn't be because you ghosted. It would be because you felt guilty about doing something you liked that is entirely normal and chose to hide.
Licia: You wouldn't understand.
AaRogue: Try me.
I blew out a breath. Why did everyone think I was self-sabotaging? For fuck's sake, this was the only way to save my sanity. They could call me a chicken all they wanted, but I'd rather be a chicken than an idiot.
Licia: It's not important.
AaRogue: I thought you'd say that. You're like a mouse. Running from whatever you feel represents danger; meanwhile, you're the one thing keeping you from being happy.
Oh, that stung. As if he reached into my chest, grabbed the little organ beating in there, and twisted painfully until my breath hitched and my vision blurred.
What did he know? Mouse? Screw him. Screw everyone. This was self-preservation. It was the only thing keeping me from being hurt again. If they knew what happened four years ago, they would not ask me so casually to let myself go.
At the end of the day, I only had me.
I was the only one who knew how much I'd suffered and begged for another chance to live.
AaRogue was just a fucking stranger, and Maddy was only concerned with the now. Unlike her impulsive nature of 'act now, think later,' every decision I made was carefully thought out to ensure I would not get the brunt of the consequences.
And Aaron, well, he would just have to come to terms with the fact that I couldn't be who he wanted.
Licia: Goodnight, AaRogue.
He didn't reply, which oddly felt like a goodbye. Maybe it was for the best. Obviously, we were two different people with different ideologies about how to live life.
With a heavy heart, I logged out of Jungle Justice and was about to close my laptop when I got a text.
Half-expecting it to be Aaron—it had been more than ten hours since I snuck out of his place, so maybe he was giving me time— I picked up my phone and input the password to unlock it.
It was a message from my mom.
