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While a recklessness in me only reared its ugly head when Aaron was nearby, there was also the pressing knowledge that nothing more could happen between us.
It would not be easy, but I had to end this. I had to pull the rug out on this so-called fascination I had with him before it escalated any further. Aaron would call it running, but this was me being realistic.
Because how was I supposed to love him when I didn't love myself?
Felicity
When I got home, I opened my laptop and logged into Jungle Justice for the first time in two weeks.
I felt a tinge of apprehension about facing AaRogue again, but I couldn't keep putting him off. Besides, I loved playing my favorite game.
I bit my lower lip as the game loaded. Once it was done, I entered my username and selected the option to begin from the last saved milestone. Then, once I was in, a notification popped up at the top left corner of my screen that I had a message.
There was only one person who messaged me on Jungle Justice. Sucking in a deep nervous breath, I clicked on the message icon, and the dialogue box popped open, covering the right corner of the screen.
AaRogue: Hey, beautiful. (Sent fifteen days ago, 8:35 pm)
Weird. He'd never called me that before. There was more.
AaRogue: Licia? You there? (Sent thirteen days ago, 9:15 pm)
AaRogue: Wait a second. Are you ignoring me? (Sent twelve days ago, 8:00 pm)
AaRogue: Because you came? Or because I talked you through it? (Sent twelve days ago, 8:00 pm)
AaRogue: You've got to be shitting me, Licia. (Sent twelve days ago, 8:01 pm)
I released a breath. It had not been fair to leave him so confused without any explanation.
AaRogue: You know what? I'm just going to leave you alone. That's what you want, isn't it? And I apologize if I made you uncomfortable or anything. (Sent ten days ago, 11:40 pm)
I was a horrible, horrible person. Here he was, apologizing for something that wasn't even his fault while I'd been under Aaron, letting him play with my clit like a guitar.
My hands hovered over the keyboard as I reread the words. I sensed anger behind them, but I couldn't be too sure. Or it might have just been a disappointment. Either way, he at least deserved an explanation.
Licia: Hey, AaRogue. You there? I'm sorry I've been offline for so long.
While I waited for his response, it hit me then that this was someone I'd spoken to every day for the past three months about everything and anything. For the past two weeks since I'd started talking to Aaron, I'd only thought of him a handful of times. Did that make me a bad person? Because I sure as hell felt like one.
And it wasn't because I owed AaRogue anything. No. It was because I'd been thrown away for another once, and it had not felt very nice.
I was about to give up on getting a response when his message entered.
AaRogue: Look who the cat dragged in.
My heart picked up a beat. Of course, he was peeved. I would be, too.
Licia: Hey. How are you?
AaRogue: Great, actually. Did I only pop into your mind tonight? And here I was, thinking I meant something to you.
I winced.
Licia: I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have ghosted you like that. Work has been crazy lately.
AaRogue: Work is the reason you've been ignoring me? Phew. That's great. I actually thought it was because you came and felt guilty about it.
Licia: You don't have to be sarcastic.
