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"Because I loved him,” I rasped.
Or rather, a part of me did. Months later, I realized I hadn't wanted to fall in love; I'd only wanted to be loved. The difference wasn't much, but it was there.
I was so thirsty for love that I drank from the first cup offered to me.
"No." Aaron's lips curled into a frown. "That wasn't love. You were infatuated with the idea of who he could be, not what he was."
I felt a sharp sting behind my eyes. "You don't know anything."
"What? Did I hit too close to home?" he sneered. "Jesus fucking Christ, Felicity. That fucker made you cover up your body just because he couldn't comprehend how majestic you are. How can you not see that?"
"Shut up. You don't know what it was like for me."
"I know that you deserved better, and you let yourself stay with him for so long because you never believed that."
"I said shut up!" I yelled, crying. "Get out of my fucking apartment." I turned and practically ran inside the bathroom, crying harder when I was too slow to lock the door, and he came barreling in. "Leave me alone!"
"Is the truth too painful to hear?" he asked, backing me into the corner behind the door until my back hit the wall. "You deserve love, Felicity. You're smart and beautiful and quite literally the most amazing woman I've ever met."
"Please." His words were squeezing my heart inside my chest. This was the part that boggled my mind. Why would he love me? What was there to love? What did he see? Why couldn't I see it?
Through my blurry vision, I saw him reach forward and grab my hands in one of his, locking them in place between us.
"I love you,” he said.
I sobbed, refusing to believe him. "You're a liar. You lied to me."
He nodded, wetting his lower lip before giving me a tight-lipped smile, just like my heart. "I did, and I'm sorry, and I swear it'll never happen again."
He was saying all the right things at the wrong time. But just like Jeremy, he'd lied to me to get me to do something he wanted. Words weren't enough.
I shook my head. "That's not good enough." I couldn't survive another Jeremy. I swear I would die.
"Then let me prove how much you mean to me." He swiped his thumb over my bottom lip, sending shivers down my body. Damn him. I hated how much control he had over my body.
"You don't understand. I'm broken, Aaron."
"Broken crayons still color the same."
I shook my head. "I'm damaged. I've done terrible things."
"Can't be worse than a mother abandoning her son." He smiled wryly, referring to his mother, and my heart broke.
There was only one more thing left to do. Show him how ugly I was deep down. Maybe if he knew who I really was and what I'd done, he would finally realize that I was doing him a favor by rejecting him.
"I was pregnant,” I said.”
If he felt any surprise at the revelation, he did a great job hiding it. I waited as the silence stretched into heavy seconds, thinking he had something to say in response. When he didn’t speak, I wet my lips, releasing a shaky breath.
I closed my eyes and exhaled, going back to the most depressing time of my life. “It was a little over four years ago. I’d just found out I was eight weeks pregnant. Jeremy asked me to get rid of it, and I refused.”
When my eyes opened, I saw Aaron’s nostrils flare, the only indication that he was feeling any emotion.
I resisted the urge to reach forward and grab his cheek, thankful that he was still holding my hands in his.
“He left clues for me to find,” I went on, “and I ended up following him to a hotel where I caught him balls deep in some woman. He'd left the door open for me."
"That fucking bastard," Aaron thundered, his eyes blazing as he let go of my hands. "I'm going to kill him."
