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Casey shifts in front of me like a protective wall, actually pushing me behind him.
Ben tips his head back with a groan. “Stop being so fucking protective. I’m not here to hurt her!”
“Last time you saw her, you yelled in her face and made her cry, so if you think for one fucking second that I’m just going to step aside and let you do that again, you are out of your damn mind! You need to leave. Now. Before I put my foot so far up your ass, you’ll be choking on your shoelaces.”
Ben’s eyes narrow as he leans down to get in Casey’s face. “Go ahead. Give it a try.”
“Okay!” I raise my voice, grabbing Casey’s arm and stepping around him. “That is enough!” I’m not about to have World War Three erupt in my dorm room. “Just, both of you… stop.” I huff, casting a quick glance at Casey before looking up at Ben and lowering my voice. “I appreciate the flowers, and I do actually want to hear what you have to say, so if you can both stop growling at each other and act like civilized human beings, we can get through this.”
Casey clenches his jaw, but at least he keeps his mouth shut.
I turn to give Ben my full attention. Casey’s hand lands on my lower back, curling around my waist and making it clear who I belong to in this situation.
It’s almost funny that my boyfriend is jealous right now. I’ve never had feelings for Ben. This tall basketball player is a zero threat, yet Casey’s acting like he’s about to steal me away.
Not wanting to embarrass Ben, I keep the thoughts to myself and look up at him.
The second his eyes meet mine, his expression crumples. “I’m so sorry I yelled at you. I felt like shit as soon as I walked away, but I didn’t have the guts to come back and apologize. And then I heard about the miscarriage, and I…” His eyes take on a look of pure agony. “I didn’t cause it, did I?”
“What?” I blink, horrified that he would even think that. “No. No, of course not.”
My answer doesn’t seem to give him much relief. He scrapes his fingers through his hair, his expression drenched in guilt. “I didn’t mean to yell at you. I was angry and in shock. I’d only just found out you were pregnant and that it might be mine, but it also might not be… and… I kinda snapped.” He winces. “I was hurt and jealous, and… I like you so much, you know? I just wanted you to like me back.”
My mouth goes dry for a second, and I have to swallow before I can find my voice. “It’s okay. You had every right to be annoyed. The baby might have been yours, and I should have told you.”
He nods.
“I’m sorry.” I give him a sad frown. “I handled everything so badly. I never wanted to hurt you.”
His mouth twitches like he’s trying to give me an understanding smile, but he looks so damn sad right now.
I feel awful.
His crestfallen face is so dejected… and I’m making him feel that way!
He keeps his eyes on me, but raises his chin at Casey. “I guess you’ve made your choice then, huh?”
Glancing over my shoulder, I gaze at my boyfriend for a second before turning back to Ben. “It’s always been him. I should never have slept with you at that party. I was upset that he hadn’t called me, and I got drunk and used you to make myself feel better.” I cringe. “That is inexcusable, and I am so sorry.”
I turn onto the sides of my feet, staring at the flowers, counting colors and petal shapes while I wait for his response.
After a thick, painful beat, he finally sighs. “I’ll get over it.”
He’s so obviously trying to hide how much this all hurts, and I want to wrap him in a hug and comfort him, but I’m not sure how that’s gonna fly, so I stay put, glancing at his flowers again before trying to smile at him as kindly as I possibly can.
He really is a sweetheart.
After a glum smile, the poor guy shuffles toward my door, gripping the edge and turning around one last time. He fires an intense look at Casey. “Treat her right.”
My boyfriend pulls me a little closer to his side and nods at the tall basketball player. “I will.”
And then Ben slips out of my dorm, and I get this sad sense that I might see him again, but I’m not sure we’ll ever talk or do anything more than share the odd, awkward smile.
I don’t know why that makes me feel sad.
Maybe it’s because I know I hurt him.
Resting my head on Casey’s shoulder, I grip the colorful bouquet in my hand, wishing it had the power to take all of this shit away and cheer me up.
