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All I know is that she’s crying against me, and I have to hold her and kiss her head and make her feel like she’s not gonna fall apart.
It is an impossible choice, but it’s one she’s going to have to make.
She just needs to decide and then live with the fallout.
But not tonight.
Tonight she needs sleep.
And so I stop talking. I stroke her back and let the music play, and eventually her tears dry up and we both slip into blissful slumber where, just for a few hours, we don’t have to answer unbearable questions.
CHAPTER 33
CAROLINE
Spending the night at Casey’s changed something between us. It’s only been a day and a half, but we’ve been texting constantly. It’s not just about the sex anymore. We’re closer somehow.
We haven’t talked about the baby again, which is probably why nerves are massacring my stomach as I look for Casey outside the law building. There’s a really pretty grassy spot where people will picnic as the weather gets warmer.
Today, the sun is shining, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cold out. Maybe I can persuade him to join me inside. The law building has a great cafeteria.
I scan the area, wondering again why he asked to meet with me. We don’t usually do lunch. Maybe this is the new us. I’m not sure. But what if he’s wanting to sit down and have a serious chat? What if this is the moment where I have to decide? Part of me wants him to make me, just so I can stop torturing myself over this decision, but another part of me is terrified.
And I still have to tell him about Ben.
Shit. Shit. Shit!
I so don’t want to. Casey will be so pissed. He’ll hate me forever. And Ben probably will too.
Do I really have to tell them? Can’t I just choose who I want the father to be and leave it at that?
Of course you can’t, you idiot! You’ve dug yourself into this great big, fucking hole.
And soon that hole is going to fill with water and I’ll be drowning in it… which is maybe what I deserve.
Guilt lashes me again, followed swiftly by a debilitating fear.
Nibbling my lip, I pull out my phone and try to calm myself. Maybe Casey doesn’t want to talk about baby stuff. He has a really important game tonight. It’s the quarterfinals for the Frozen Faceoff. If they win this, they’ll get to play at the tournament in St. Paul’s next weekend!
Winning the trophy will be so triumphant for Nolan U. We’ve never had it before. We’ve made it to the semis and the finals in the past, but the Cougars have never won the trophy. I want Casey to be on the team that brings it home.
I can’t wait to watch him. It’s going to be a tough game, but I believe in the Cougars. I always have. They’re an awesome team, and they’ve had a killer season. Tonight is going to be epic.
Maybe Casey just wants to catch up for lunch and distract himself pregame so he’s not too nervous or something.
I call his number, because I still can’t see him, and the tune of “Sweet Caroline” starts playing from behind the large pine tree to my left. I frown, the phone still up against my ear as I walk around the tree and see Casey. He’s just answering my call when he spots me.
He grins, speaking into the phone. “Hey, pretty girl.”
My frown deepens as I stop in front of him. “Please tell me you didn’t change your ringtone to that so you wouldn’t forget my name.”
He barks out a laugh and hangs up. “I changed it because I happen to like that song and… well, you’re my sweet Caroline.”
It’s the cutest thing ever, and I can feel my heart turning to a puddle of mush as I slip my phone away and take a seat on the ground. He’s laid out his jacket, and I nestle between his legs and look up to kiss him.
His smile is sweet and adoring, and everything I’ve worried about since he texted me seems to vanish on the spot. With his arms wrapped around me, keeping me warm, the chill I was feeling before fades to a memory, and I get caught up just hanging with my boyfriend. I can’t go shitting all over this moment with the truth. I can sense he just needs things to be light right now. He tells me about his morning classes and how he stayed up way too late last night in order to get an assignment in.
“I’m kinda smashed, but I’ll rally for the game. I always do.” His smile has a nervous edge to it, and I spin in his arms, hooking my legs over his so I’m now sideways against him. I want to be able to look at his face for this.
