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Everybody leaves.
It’s just a fact of life.
I almost jump out of my skin when hands slide around my waist from behind. Ryker lines his tall body up against mine, his bare chest against my bare back, sleep warm and achingly familiar.
“Everything okay?” he asks.
I nod and make myself turn my head and look at him while I lift my phone up. “Just Mom being Mom.”
I sound weird. Even I can hear it.
“You sure?” he asks.
I nod again and turn around in his arms. He tightens his hold like he’s never going to let me go. And maybe he won’t. Maybe he’s not planning to do it. I’m not yet cynical enough to think everybody’s an asshole.
Ryker’s not.
But I also already know that come fall, he’s out of here. And I’ll be left behind. Again.
It’s becoming a real habit at this point.
In a way, I’m in a much better position with Ryker. I have prior knowledge. When he leaves, it won’t take me by surprise.
I’ll be prepared.
Maybe I should cut the cord and just end it right now. That’d probably be the smart thing to do.
But I don’t think I can.
I don’t think I know how to give him up myself, so I guess I’ll have to wait until he kicks me to the curb.
“Let’s go back to bed,” he says. He takes my hand and pulls me after him. Once under the covers again, he wraps himself around me, and my whole body immediately relaxes against him. Like a reflex. Like he’s trained me to do it. Seeing that I’ve spent weeks and weeks and weeks sleeping just like this—with Ryker’s big, warm body connected to mine in some way at all times—maybe that’s exactly what he’s done.
I might not know how to end things with him, but I have to take at least some control of this situation.
Deal with the addiction before I’m cut off and forced to go cold turkey.
Set some boundaries.
Prepare myself for the inevitable.
For when the other shoe drops.
RYKER
“You okay, man?” Soren nudges me with his shoulder. I look up from my phone, startled.
“Yeah,” I say. “Cool. Why?”
He nods at where my fingers are clutching the phone. “You’ve been glaring at that thing like it’s been banging your girlfriend.”
He laughs at his own joke, and I roll my eyes.
“You know that feeling when you’re thinking about something…” I tilt my head to the side and look at him. “No, wait, I guess you wouldn’t be able to relate.”
He grins and flips me off. “Fuck you, man. I think.”
I get up and pat him on the cheek. “Good for you. It was about time.”
