Page 54 of Fighting for His Life

It occurs to me that I should be upset that they’re talking about me as if I’m not in the room. I’m not. I can’t be when I won’t look at them, much less talk.

But, for the first time in months, I feel a stirring of something inside me. It’s the rustlings of anger, indignation, and protectiveness of Jax because I know what Zane is implying.

I don’t give a fuck what laws may say. Jax is much more than my best friend or my boyfriend – ex-boyfriend? He is as much my family as Zane.

For the first time, I move to look at them both. “Do not talk to him like that,” I seethe.

Both of their head snap in my direction. “You don’t get a say, Zoey. They’re going to keep you if something isn’t done,” Zane says almost robotically.

My eyes narrow. The beeping of those damn machines gives away my irritation. “Did I say a fucking thing about where I stay? But you won’t talk him like he’s nothing. I am perfectly aware that I don’t have a say in anything right now. But he has just as much fucking right as you do to make those decisions, so you will not treat him as if he doesn’t matter.”

Zane gapes at me for a moment before composing himself back into that stoic façade he’s been wearing since yesterday. “The law says otherwise, Zoey. You aren’t married and he isn’t blood relation. I’m trying to be nice. He won’t cooperate.”

“Don’t you even think about talking to me like that Zane Valen,” I yell. “I don’t care what the damn law says. You heard me. I just wanted to stop hurting, but I’m not crazy. So, help me God, though, Zane, if you even think about cutting him out of any decisions, I will make damn sure you regret it.”

“It’s not up to you, Zoey,” he repeats coldly like the asshole he’s trying to be.

“Try me, Zane. I may not be crazy, but I sure as hell can act it. I can make sure they don’t let me go anywhere. Or better yet, I can get a lawyer to fight against anyone you have. Is that what you want?”

I can see his act beginning to crumble as his coldness gives way to fury. He’s getting pissed. Good! “Where would you even get the money, Zoey?” he says between clenched teeth. “I don’t think your bartender salary can find an attorney to handle mine.”

I give him an arrogant smile. “Really, Zane. You think I came up here all those years for a pat on the back? I’ve been selling my work. For quite a bit of money too. I haven’t even needed to spend a dime of it.”

I see the last of his cool fall away. His face turns red. “God fucking dammit, Zoey. Why couldn't you talk this much yesterday? Or better still, a fucking year ago? Instead of running like a little bitch.”

My cold smile grows. “That’s it, brother dear. Let it all out. I ran. I refused to talk. I refused help. I’m the damn reason Mom and Dad died. I’m the reason Jax's heart was broken. Me! I could handle the fact that some sick pervert touched me. Put his fucking dick in me. Kicked me. I couldn’t face you. I couldn’t handle seeing the pain I knew you’d both have. I didn’t want you to see how goddamned broken I was. Because the moment that man put himself inside me, I fucking broke. It’s all my fucking fault. And you’re pissed. So, tell me, Zane. Tell me how much I hurt you. Tell me how fucking disappointed you are in me. Yell and scream at me because I ran away instead of letting you be there for me. Because I abandoned you when you needed me. But don’t you dare take it out on Jax.”

His face turns impossibly redder. He looks like he’s two seconds from absolutely losing his shit, and it occurs to me that this is what he needs. What we both needs. “You know what, Zoey? You are absolutely right. I’m fucking pissed. You’re my twin sister. We’ve been together every day of our lives and some bastard hurt you and I couldn’t stop it. I couldn’t protect you from him and then you wouldn’t let me be there for you. Do I feel fucking abandoned? You’re goddamned right I do. It’s supposed to be us against the world, but when the world came down you fucking ran. I couldn’t help you. I couldn’t be there for you. I am pissed that it seems like in the last year everything good we ever had going for us has been flushed down the toilet. And then, as if all that weren’t enough. As if you running wasn’t enough, you tried to check out on me. You tried to leave me. Leave Jax. How do you think I felt when Maddox called me? I felt like a damn failure. All I’ve got right now is the ability to get you home, but I’m not sure that will accomplish a damn thing because what fucking good will it do to have you home when you shut us out.” He wipes the tears that have fallen down his face.

We’re both angry. And, apparently, we’ve both kept that anger bottled up until it festered and become infected. I’ve been running, trying not to feel anything at all. Not the pain, not the anger, not the guilt, but nothing has worked. I know it’s time to deal with all of this, but I don’t know if I’m ready.

It occurs to me that Jax has been quiet throughout our little battle. I gather a little more of this – whatever this is I’m feeling and look at him for a brief moment. I'm shocked at the relief that is clearly written on his face. I know Jax well enough to know he hasn’t dealt with his feelings either, so I wonder what has caused the relief he’s feeling.

I don’t ask though. My focus is on Zane. “That’s what I thought,” I hiss at him. “So, stop taking it out on Jax. You’ve got a damn problem, you tell me.”

The door to my room opens. A nurse walks in looking extremely uncomfortable and upset. “I have to ask you all to please keep it down,” she says awkwardly. I have a feeling her discomfort is due to Jax basically raising hell with anyone he didn’t think was taking proper care of me. They may only be in their second year of the NFL but they’ve both made a name for themselves and with that, a certain degree of pull and power. “Your arguing is disturbing the other patients. Please don’t make me ask you to leave.”

Neither Zane or I acknowledge the woman's words or presence as we continue our stare down. We’re twins and when we fight, it’s hard to get either of us to back down. The woman looks between the two of us with a furrowed brow. “Mr. Valen, maybe you should leave. You seem to be agitating her,” she suggests causing Zane’s gaze to snap toward her.

“That won’t be necessary,” a woman with red hair says as she walks into the room. I feel Jax instantly stiffen beside me and I see worry cross Zane’s angry face. “I’ll handle this nurse. You can leave.”

When the nurse has left the room, the woman turns to me. “Hello, Miss Valen. I’m Dr. Thompson. I’m the psychiatrist assigned to your case.” I give her a curt nod, but nothing more waiting on her to continue. “I’m glad to see that what’s been written in your chart isn’t accurate since you’re obviously not staring despondently out the window and you’re definitely talking. I wanted to spend some time alone with you, but it appears the key to getting you to open up about yourself may be your brother inciting your ire.”

Jax snorts beside me. I unconsciously squeeze his hand with the one of mine I can use causing him to turn his eyes on me with a smile. That damn smile has always made everything better for me, and, as it turns out, it still has the ability to help me because I realize it’s the first time I’ve seen him smile since I woke up. I also realize that I need him to smile.

“Now, can I ask what the yelling was about?”

We don’t answer. Zane’s frown deepens if that’s even possible and my lips move into a straight, emotionless line. Jax won’t take his eyes off of me.

“Oh come, now,” she says almost teasingly. “I know you’re all very private people, but it can’t be that private since nearly the entire floor heard you.”

We all remain silent. Jax is squeezing my hand noticeably harder giving away his apparent dislike of the woman. Zane turns and heads for the door. “Don’t go anywhere, Mr. Valen,” she demands firmly.

My brother’s face twists in frustration and the remnants of his anger bleed through his golden-brown eyes. “I’m done here for now,” he says snidely.

“No, you’re not,” she reiterates. “By your own admission, you haven’t seen or spoke to your sister in a year because she ran away after her assault. Well, it appears she’s talking now, so you want my help getting your sister transferred. I promise it will go a lot easier and faster with my help.”

He smirks at the woman. “I think we’ll be just fine without you.”

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