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My hand hovers in midair, empty, fingers still curled like the brush is between them. My heartbeat echoes through my ears, my breath hostage in my chest. I stand silent for a second… and wait.
There’s an echo in the distance somewhere, a sharp noise muted by wind and time, and I bolt from the barn, running into the space between our house and Hudson’s, listening.
My ears tingle as adrenaline builds behind my ribs. I hear it again, the same muffled but jarring muted noise, and this time I knowwhereit’s coming from.
I take off in a full sprint through the tall grass, toward the creek, my body reactively pulling toward the noise.
A piece of sharp stone tears through the bottom of my foot, and I glance down briefly. One of my feet is completely red, blood splashing up the side of my leg. The other is coated in creek mud and sand. The singeing ache of the tear sears up my leg, scorching my calf and knee. Grass whips against my calves as I leap over a huddle of stones stacked around a trimmed tree trunk. The half mile to the creek has never felt so long, and my lungs burn from the obligatory combination of urgency and speed.
It’s when I’m on top of the hill above the creek that Irealize exactly what I’m running toward, what the noise that had me stopped in my tracks was.
It’s Bear.
The top of his head bobs on the surface of the creek, which is likely freezing cold today, the waters made icy from the storm that just passed through. The kind of cold that steals your breath, filling you with panic and terror. Iknowthat cold. I know that creek. And he’s all alone, in the freezing water, thrashing and screaming. Aware of the fear he’s feeling, jagged sobs tear from my lips as I intermittently scream his name, so loud that one of my eardrums bursts.
“Bear!” My hip pops as I charge downhill, but my legs are moving so quickly that my upper half can’t keep up. Before I know it, my head is connecting with dead, grounded branches of a tree and small stones as I roll head over feet, coming to a stop at the bank of the creek. “Bear!Bear!” I scream, his name rattling through me, the rest of the world around me falling away. I only see Bear and the water around him, threatening to swallow him.
His lips part as his eyes open. Through the splashes and my horrid, piercing screams, hetriesto call out but water spills into his mouth, and he disappears beneath the surface.
The urge to vomit hits me, but I swallow it down as I thrash through the creek, swimming in the places where my feet reach because it’s faster.“Bear!!”I scream again, the sound of rushing water frustratingly stealing the bulk of my volume. Panic clenches my insides, and hot tears slide down my icy cheeks, the contrast leaving a trace of steam in the air as I search the freezing cold creek.
Dunking beneath the icy surface again, I reach out intothe darkness, closing my hands, searching for anything. My eyes open, but it’s murky. The temperature burns me, but I keep them open. Bubbles filter from my nose and pursed lips as my breath gets harder and harder to hold.
Bear with his creek painting between his hands flashes through my mind, and a wild howl tears from my chest, causing me to breach the surface in a panicked scream.
“Bear!” I scream again, this time my entire body racked with fear and sickness. His head bobs to the surface, and I don’t wait to see his face or see if he’s breathing. I reach out, my legs thrashing, working hard to keep us afloat as I wrap my fist in his shirt and pull him to me. With him finally in my arms, I roll onto my back, spitting and choking on the water that attempts to sink us. The creek isn’t choppy but I’ve run half a mile at top speed and dove headfirst into this rescue mission completely breathless. Fatigue is setting in, but I know I have a ways to go yet until he’s safe.
My foot burns against the rock as I flail, kicking until I move us nearer the bank, where the struggle will decrease tenfold. When my feet finally reach the slippery bottom, I peer down at Bear, and choke out a frantic sob when I see his eyes are open.
“Bear, you’re okay,” I soothe, attempting to calm myself as much as him. “I have you,I have you, I have you,” I breathe, my chest full of fire, my body exhausted. Steadily, my legs manage to climb out of the sinking sandbank, my arms locked around Bear’s body so tight that my shoulders burn.
Two steps onto solid shore and I collapse over him on the ground for a second.
Ivy went under the surface at the community pool once.She puked when she came up, and I remember Dad saying that was a good thing.Getting the water out of her belly and lungs was important.
I loop my arm around Bear’s waist, ignoring his whimpers and soft cries, and jerk him to his hands and knees. He gags, and attempts a cry, but nothing happens. The weight of water soaking my clothes and hair, paired with the rush of adrenaline has me on the brink of blacking out.
But I fight so hard to stay alert and awake.
I yank him again, and a rush of relief passes through me when he gags and burps, then finally vomits. I pat his back until he’s done, and then I collect him in my arms, stand up, and begin walking back to the house. My heart is beating a million miles a minute, my foot is on fire from the gash I got on the way here, and my eardrum is blown.
But in my arms, Bear blinks up at me. He’s shaken, thoroughly, and not speaking, but he’s alive. I have him.
He’s alive.
“You’re going to be okay,” I tell him, tears stinging my cheeks as I trek through the tall grass, anything and everything sticking to my damp body as I do. I don’t care how hurt and filthy I am. I’m just so glad Bear is okay.
I don’t know what I would’ve done.
I love this little boy with all of my heart.
That bond is inside me, and as soon as Hudson realizes who I am, I’ll set it free, and Bear and I will finally have the title that we deserve.
I may not get to spend every night with him, comb his hair or help him with homework, but one day I will. One day I’ll be there with finality, and because I’ve already devoted myself to him now, without that title, the idea that someonecould offer to watch him and then let him run into danger…. It makes me mad.
Very mad.
Irrationally mad. Like,dig my nails into her face and tear her skin clean from her fucking skeletontype of angry.
