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My breathing never evens out but Bear settles against me, his little hands curling around the straps of my sundress as my barn comes into view. “Oh, there’s the barn where we work on our special art project,” I remind him, knowing he’s eager as ever to see it finished. I love that he smiles up at me at the mention of art. “Once we’re there, we’ll call Daddy and he’ll make you feel all better. Okay? Everything’s okay.” I lick my lips, smiling down at him, grateful as ever to see his shining eyes.
“He’s gonna be mad,” Bear finally whispers, and I had no idea hearing his small voice would shatter me, but it does. The ranchettes come into view, and when I reach the oak tree between our properties, I drop to my knees, gently lowering Bear from my arms and to the ground.
“No,” I say sternly. “Daddy will be happy that you’re okay. Trust me,” I tell him, my voice shaking with stifled anger.
“I wasn’t supposed to go,” he says, his tears coming fast now. I swipe my thumbs beneath his cheeks, glancing up to see Deuce, Everly and Tiffani springing from the porch steps, shouting and hollering.
“You are four. You need a grown-up to watch you. This is not your fault, Bear. Okay?” I kiss his forehead and stroke a knuckle down his cheek. “Stay right here and wait for Aunt Ev.”
I get to my feet, my romper streaked with mud andblood, my hair a tangle around my face as final bits of the creek drip from my elbows and chin.
My eyes find Tiffani.
And I run for her, feeling the air rush free from her lungs as I knock then pin her to the ground with my wrath. My fist comes down across her face once, and I keep my arm reared back, waiting for her reaction. She coughs and cries, her legs flailing beneath me as she attempts to get attention, to get help.
I reach down and put one hand over her mouth, using the other around her throat. Her eyes bug out as she thrashes, her hands flying to the place where I hold her pulse with my palm, drawing blood from my hand a few times with her nails.
Tiffani has a few bra sizes and inches in height on me, but right now, my love for Bear is giving me strength I don’t normally possess. Beneath me she thrashes as a shadow falls over us, tall and slender. It’s Deuce, but I don’t give a shit who’s there.
“Can’t breathe? That’s how he felt.Scared.” I take delight in getting uncomfortably close to her face. “Fighting for breath.” With my hands firmly on her mouth and throat, I apply more pressure, making the vein in my forehead pulse. Blood trickles from her nostril where I kissed her face with my fist, butit’s not good enough.
“He’s four! He’s four! He could’ve died! He could’ve died, you stupid bitch!He could’ve died!” I scream, over and over, choking her. Suddenly, Deuce’s arms hook beneath my armpits and he lifts me off, telling me things the whole time.
Bear’s okay.
It was an accident.
You need to see a medic.
My legs thrash and kick, but with Deuce’s large frame dwarfing my tiny one, I’m suspended over the ground.
“Put me down, Deuce!” I scream, eyeing Tiffani as she rolls off her back, holding her face, playing victim.
“You almost killed me!” she screams, crying as she touches her nose, looking at her hand, at the blood left behind. “Youbrokemy nose! You’re fucking crazy!”
I jab my elbow back, into Deuce’s stomach, right as Ivy comes flying from the house, her feet bare, her hair down and wet, a towel wrapped around her.
“Deuce,what the fuck?Put her down!” she screams, the space between the two ranch homes looking like an episode ofJerry Springer.
Because of stupid, selfish, lying Tiffani.
From somewhere far down the dusty drive, ambulance sirens sound. I don’t know how long Bear was gone, and for how long Tiffani failed to keep him safe, but it must’ve been long enough for her to panic and call Deuce and Ev back. Hudson, likely, too.
I thrash free from Deuce’s grip and walk past Tiffani toward Bear. When I reach him, I lower to my knees where Everly is rocking him in her arms, crying.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispers as I lean over, stroking my fingers through his hair, breaking the panicked spell she was in. “Oh my God, Dolly,” she cries, reaching over Bear to loop her arms around my neck, hugging me with him between us. “Thank God for you, Dolly, thank God,” she says, unable to move past the shock of the situation. I peer down at Bear.
“There’s a van coming with doctor helpers inside. They wanna check you out. And they may take you to the hospitalfor tests, but if they do, it’s okay. It’s just to make sure there’s no more water inside you,” I tell him calmly. Everly is struggling right now.
Bear nods as the sight before his aunt finally registers my state. One of her hands comes to cup her mouth. “Dolly, oh my god, you need to see the paramedics. You’re hurt,” she breathes, slowly reaching for me, but I stand, stepping back.
“No,” I tell her. “I’m fine. I just want Bear to be okay.”
I look through the cluster of paramedics gathered around Deuce and Ivy, watching me. “They just got here. Let’s let them check out Bear and…her,” I nod toward Tiffani because I can’t say her name. “I’m okay.”
She starts to ask me if I’m sure, but the men in blue jumpsuits with red-and-white medical bags start toward Ev and Bear, so I split, running past Deuce and Ivy, up the porch stairs, into my house.
I fall across my bed, coated in dirt and sweat, dried blood and splashes of Bear’s vomit, and I cry. I cry so hard that I don’t hear the door open and though I can't fully make out who comes into my room, the hands stroking my spine tell me it’s my sisters. They tell me things I need to hear.
