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“Maybenow. Because I’ve been doing the work. Because I make an effort with my children now. Because I know that life is about so much more than money and work. It’s about love.”
I stroke Sonia’s cheek. Her eyes flutter shut.
It’s about this feeling right now. “It’s aboutlove.”
“Edwin…”
“I was lying on that floor for hours, immobilized, powerless, until my assistant walked in the next morning. I’m not sure anybody would have worried about me if they hadn’t heard from me for days.”
Sonia scoffs. “That’s ridiculous, that’s–”
“People whomatter,Sonia. People like my children who didn’t get nearly enough of my attention in their childhood, or friends that never get calls back or…” Tears start piling up in my eyes. “People like you.”
Sonia moans like she’s in pain. “You can’t love me, Edwin, you can’t.”
“Nate said–”
“It’s not just about Nate, and it’s not just about my job.It’s about my life, Edwin. Everything is so messy. Everything is so–”
“Please tell me everything. I’ll clean it up for you.”
She breaks away from me, darting toward the front door. “It’s not that simple!”
I break out into a sprint, slamming my hand on the door to keep it from opening. “Yes, it is!”
Sonia stares up at me. Her eyes wide. With fear.
Shit.
My chest heaves as I catch my breath. I tighten my hand into a fist.
“Yes, it is that simple. You don’t know how far I would go for you. You simply don’t understand.”
Sonia’s face hardens. “Your family…I can’t be haunted by you like this anymore.”
“What are you talking about?”
Her hand is still on the doorknob. She’s ready to make an escape the second I allow her to.
However, I will stand here until my legs give out from under me, until she understands just how much I love her. How much I need her in my life.
“My dad, he…he was a gambler.”
Was…
“My mom left us when I was too young. So, it was me and my dad. He had a regular steady job, sure, but he spent a lot of time gambling to try and make ends meet. And that was fine. At first.”
Her eyes go to her hand on that door, and she frowns. “But it didn’t take long to become an addiction, and suddenly, it wasn’t just about making ends meet. It was about making the big win but ending up losing everything all the time.”
A primal impulse rages inside me.
Sonia is meant to be taken care of. Not to make ends meet. Not to lose.
“He was still my dad, though, he was all I had. And I loved him even through all of that. I worked my way through college, paid for all of it myself…”
Sonia pauses and a small smile crosses her lips. “And then Nate came along. And things seemed good. My dad and him were friends.”
Darkness clouds her eyes. “Too good of friends. I don’t know if it was an effort to make my dad like him or if he had no self-awareness at all, but Nate became his enabler. He would sometimes even loan him money that I felt I needed to pay back and–”
