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I shake my head, thinking of what I would have told Nate if we’d been in touch. Maybe if I’d been a father, I could have spared everyone this heartbreak.
“The debts got worse and worse. And seedier and seedier. When Nate finally stopped giving my dad money, his addiction was worse than ever, so he went to loan sharks.”
Everything snaps into place. Of course…loan sharks. They’re holding her debts over her head. Calling her at all hours, demanding more and more money.
“Then Dad just couldn’t take it anymore, I guess. One day, he came home and grabbed one of the bottles. Started drinking before dinner and was totally wasted and nursing the second bottle of whisky by the time I went to bed.”
The sadness in her eyes crushes my chest and I just want to hug her, but the wall between us seems unsurmountable.
“He told me how much he loved me and apologized for the shitty life he gave me. I ignored his words. Ramblings of a drunk man.”
Tears run down her face, and my hand twitches withthe almost uncontrollable need to reach out and touch her. Comfort her.
“You don’t have to talk anymore. It’s okay.”
Her head shakes.
“I dismissed him with an ‘I love you, Dad, but we’ll talk tomorrow. I’m tired and I have to work early tomorrow’. Except, by morning, he was dead. And I didn’t listen to him because I was selfish. Because I was tired. Because I was?—”
I can’t hold back anymore and reach out, but she steps back and shakes her head as she holds out her hands to keep me away.
“I didn’t even have time to grieve him because that same day, a man approached me to let me know all of his debts transferred to me.”
My hands are fists at my side, and I just want to run them through that guy’s face, whoever he might be.
“How much is it?”
She shakes her head again. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Sonia, I can help.”
“No, you can’t.” A fire blazes in her golden eyes. “I can do it. On my own. Like I’ve always done.”
“But you don’t have to.” I reach out to her once more. “You don’t.”
“Please don’t touch me.”
I retract my hand yet again, wishing I could cut the damn thing off.
Her jaw is stiff, trying to hold back some of the tears as she speaks. “I broke things off with Nate then. But it wasn’t a clean break. He felt guilty, and I was so alone and–” Sonia laughs a humorless laugh. “We were so stupid.”
“You were grieving, that doesn’t mean stupid.”
“I’m still grieving. And you’re…” Sonia’s eyes glimmer. “You’reNate’s. Dad.”
We stare at each other for a long time. What she just said is the absolute truth. It is something that will never change about me.
And the fact that she has been with my son is a fact that will never change either.
I don’t care about any of that, though. As long as I have Nate’s blessing, which I believe I do, all I want is Sonia. To protect and love her. To help her. To walk into this next phase of my life with her.
I swear she leans forward first. A micromovement. The tilt of her jaw, the incline of her chest.
I lean halfway in to meet her, and she doesn’t draw away.
Snatching the moment, my lips caressing hers, trying to say everything I can’t put into words in just a kiss.
I can fix everything. I can take care of you. I can be yours. I love you.
