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“I do.” I can feel the tremble in the back of my throat. Soon, the tears will spill out. I’d rather be alone when that happens. If they see me crying, I know they won’t leave until they make sure I’m okay. And without the two of them, I don’t think I’ll ever be okay again.
There’s no denying what’s just happened. My essence gleams on Mason’s mouth and chin. Nate’s face is no different. His lips are swollen from mine, and he’s still gasping for air from his orgasm.
While there is confusion in their gazes, there is also thatthingthey told me about. The love.
It feels so good.
I pull the front of my shirt down. I wish I had my pants on. I need the armor right now. That extra layer of protection. “You should go.”
“What?” Nate gapes.
“This…Oh god. This can’t happen again.” I run my hands through my hair, pulling out the hair tie and working it back into a messy bun like I had it before they stampeded in here with their words and their mouths and their kisses and–
“Laney.” Mason leans on his elbow, reaching toward me. “We want to do this.”
I pull my ankle out of his reach. “Idon’t.Idon’t want to do this.”
I’m lying and we all know it. But this can’t happen. It’s wrong. It doesn’t matter I felt like an exploding sun only a minute ago. Or every other time I’ve been with them.
Because this, the three of us, will never be.
My mouth goes dry.
“I can’t.”
There is an immediate disconnect for both Mason and Nate. Bewilderment at what I’ve said.
“Course you can, Laney. You already have,” Nate says.
I’m not good for them. For either of them. These men are too good, too kind, too caring. And I’m just me. I’ll end up screwing up and showing them that I’m not worthy of their love.
I shake my head. “You might love me enough to put up with another man loving me, but–”
“It’s not putting up with,” Nate says in defense.
“You don’t know if that will change!” I say. “You don’t know if you’re just caught up in the like adrenaline and the excitement right now and w-what if in a year or even less, what if you decide you can’t do it anymore? And I’ve let you both love me and loved you too and–” My head is pounding. “It’s too much, it’s too much.”
My voice breaks at the end there.Don’t cry. Don’t cry.
“That won’t happen,” Nate says.
“You don’tknowthat.”
“I do.”
Oh, god, he’s hurting too. I know that tone of voice. The same one he saved for when he would talk about surfing and how he missed the ocean and being able to be the person he used to be. I don’t want to be responsible for hurting him like that.
“Laney, look at me,” Mason bids me.
I peer at him. It’s hard not to draw my eyes away. While I hear the echoes of pain in Nate’s voice, I can see them in Mason’s face. Brings me back to the night I left him. The night I had to walk away. “I’ve already hurt you once,” I whisper. “You shouldn’t let me do that again.”
“You’re not going to. I know you’re not.” His lips dare to perk into a smile.
I shake my head. “Mason…”
Maybe if I can convince them I’m as monstrous as I feel, they’ll leave me alone.
Except deep down, I don’t want them to leave me alone. I want them to stay, wrap themselves around me, remind me that I am deserving of being cherished and protected.
