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I thinkDavid thought it was a little weird to come in and find me on my back on one of the office tables, with Sissy standing over me with a clear plastic ruler in her hand. But it all went back to earlier that afternoon.
This couple had come in earlier with a brilliant idea to ruin the combination of sex and the Internet. You wouldn’t think that’s possible, but never say never. They decided that they were going to help married couples with their sex lives. Creating this site for couples to join where you got points by sharing posts on social media. Because people love admitting to marital issues on social media. Also, they were going to steal content from online magazines. We conferred and chose not to take them on as a client.
But still, Sissy and I now had this idea in our head. So, we came up with our own idea to create custom, “Lust-Filled” subscription boxes. We’re in the zone. In the process of keeping myself in the zone, I lay back and closed my eyes and let my mind flow. With Sissy furiously writing ideas on the whiteboard and coming back to me time and again for more creative inspiration.
Which is where David chooses to walk in.
So, you see, it wasn’t my fault.
April 20, 12:20pm
Okay, tomorrow I am going to make something besides Rice a Roni for lunch. My diet is shot right now. I need to stop eating mostly McDonald’s, Rice a Roni, and frozen burritos.
Sissy noticed how flushed I became when David walked in on our brainstorming session, so I told her about my crush on David and what I know of his situation. I don’t tell her everything about the ex; I only touched on the separation. I say weareclose, and I know that others will make assumptions about what that means. That I help him with his family. I even used to live and work there, taking care of the kids. Now that I’ve transitioned fully to the business side, I’ve got my own place, but I still hang out with him and the kids on a personal basis. And maybe I shouldn’t?
She speaks frankly, never slowing her pace. “I don’t care, but others will, are you willing to stand their judgment?” She and I are walking along the city street, carrying our takeout bags. She doesn’t usually make eye contact with me while we’re out, and she makes no exception today.
She means the other, younger employees who had recently joined the team. But then, there’s at least one or two senior members who may have also been infected by poisonous words.
Sissy says she’s proud of me. Even though she’s my age, she still treats me like she’s my mother. I do think she sees herself as the mother hen, protecting the flock. And I am the one she feels is most in need of protection.
Plus, she thinks most of the employees, at least the younger ones, are idiots. As well as the fact that, even though she’s only an intern, she’s about to graduate from one of the most prestigious business schools in the country. We’re lucky to have her. I think she just loved the idea of helping a company start up from nothing. After all, she’s probably going to sell her soul to one of the big tech companies in a year. This may be her last chance for any innovation.
She’s right, though.
Why should I care about people who didn’t care enough about me to remember my birthday, unless I reminded them? They weren’t bad people, but they weren’t that important to me. Nor was I to them, and that was fine, honestly. I should be flattered they find me so fascinating.
Right, that’s what I’ve got to keep telling myself.
* * *
April 29
I don’t understandhow things seem to be getting worse. Sure, the investment didn’t happen as fast as we wanted, but I picked up the slack, right? And now, we’re in great shape. But it’s like his ex and the younger team members resent me for it. Why?
I’m starting to think of the company as we. That’s never happened before. I’ve never owned something like this.We’re opening a new office; we’ve hired kids straight out of school. They would not have a chance to make a difference like this in any other job.
I know, I’ve been there.You’d think they’d be grateful. So why are they not?
David tries to explain this conundrum to me. “Growth is painful,” he says, “whether it’s internal and personal, or for an organization.” He’s done this kind of rapid scaling before – he calls it hyper-growth – so he expected the pain. It almost seems like he’s amused with being in the eye of the storm. But this doesn’t feel right to me.
What particularly doesn’t make sense is his ex-wife’s reaction to all this success.You’d think she’d be grateful. I thought she’d be pleased at my investment in the company. After all, she gets benefits from its success. But instead, she’s acting like she’s jealous and threatened. Of what? Of me?
For the most part, I ignore the gossip. Some people will never like you, explaining your situation won’t necessarily help, and it might garner you more judgment. I needed to accept that. I did my best to smile and ignore the nasty comments and glances. Because, after all, who was providing for my happiness? Who was there for me, every day? Who pushed me to be my best and helped me build my future? Him, mostly. I won’t deny the help I received from my family and friends, which was substantive, but…not quite to the extent He did. Which I felt was fair. He and I shared a connection…
I don’t have time to waste on them. I have my work. But what I lose is my place. Rent is coming up for renewal and my roomie is not sure whether she wants to extend for another year.
“What if you moved to Vegas to take the lead on getting that office off the ground?” he asks me.
“Why me,” I stammer. “Shouldn’t it be someone more senior?”
“You go to war with the army you have, not the army you want,” he says. “Plus, you know the area, you have connections, and you helped us get the Chicago office properly ramped up in six months. The only major difference with Vegas is that you won’t be supervised in person daily. So, it’s a natural next step for you. You’ve shown a lot here with supervision, let’s see how you with less of it.”
He is right. I know the area, I have connections, I have done this, and it’s best to be away from the drama.
* * *
8
