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I feel like I am somehow betraying my femininity. That I ought to remember first kisses. First significant moments. Maybe our first kiss wasn’t significant? But there is one kiss that I remember. Or at least one that I remember everything about, everything surrounding it. I don’t remember the kiss itself, but I remember all the details. Where we were (in a cab). The time of night (midnight). The sounds in the street (deathly silent.). He placed his hand on the back of my neck, and pulled my hair tight, so I had to look up at him.
When I got out of the taxi, the one streetlamp was out. There was snow on the street. It sounded so loud when I turned the key and opened the door to my apartment. I fell asleep almost immediately. I didn’t even change. Just kind of threw off the loosest pieces of clothing onto the floor and left on what I was wearing (a tight black tank, nothing else).
But I don’t remember the kiss.
* * *
August 1, 2:30pm
Back in the Windy City!Jaime, David’s investor friend, arrived late afternoon for our first update meeting. We had a lot to discuss. Despite the turmoil within the Chicago office, things were going well there. And Vegas office very quickly outpaced Chicago, partially because there wasn’t so much drama there.Perhaps it was not me after all. That’s somewhat disappointing yet also a relief. We had two full days of meetings planned. And oh, surprise! Jaime brought his wife, Sarah, along. He wasn’t even dating her last time he was in town, three months ago, so this was a rather sudden turn of events.Love at first sight? Is that really a thing?
David and Jaime went downstairs to grab a coffee and discuss changes to the agenda because of her presence. They leave the rest of us - Sarah, the company senior team (of which I am now a part of,) and David’s ex in the conference room with late lunch, and we learn more about her. Sarah is my age, short, blonde, very pretty, and also very haughty. She doesn’t seem to recognize that she’s in the company of people who have more experience than she has years of life. Or maybe she does, and that insecurity is making her more haughty. We learn that she went to a highly (in her mind) prestigious university and studied marketing. And as she talks about herself more and more, I notice David’s ex-wife looking at her speculatively. I notice our team exchange glances and tune her out, and after a while, the two of them are talking separately from the rest of us.
Our entire office dedicated our afternoon, in order to accommodate the meeting. We discussed strategy, early results, where we can use help to grow, everything. I hoped that we could at least develop a rapport with Sarah throughout the day, since she was close to my age, but that seemed to go nowhere. She was following David’s ex-wife around, both physically and in conversation.
The meeting adjourned in the early evening. David suggested he take Jaime and Sarah to dinner, and then start up again early tomorrow. Sarah asked for David’s ex-wife to join them. Awkward. Also, she knew the least about the business and the least about the team - nothing about the team in Vegas at all. So, David’s ex-wife joined them, for appearances sake, we thought. Professionally, I knew she and he had to do it. Even if she hated being fake towards Sarah, she had no choice. Not if they were going to reassure this couple to continue their investment with the company.
Leslie (my closest female mentor, and the leader of the Chicago office) and I didn’t know whether to ask to join, or not. We’re both invested into the company- not at the same level as Jaime - but still, but for some reason we’re being shut out of dinner. So, we escape to dinner together to a cute restaurant in my neighborhood. I’ve been there a few times so I could vouch for the food.
We talked about work and my future. We soothed each other’s hurt feelings— both at being left out of something important and at feeling displaced by her—in conversation. I liked talking shop. We were having fun, forgetting about the dinner that we were not invited to, when I see a text show up. It’s from David.
“Oh my god, she ruined everything.”
Ruined what?
I kept my face composed, so as not to alert Leslie. But I itched to know what had happened. Clearly, something had gone wrong.
I needn’t worry. He sent her the text, too. He wanted to meet us. Right away. And so, half an hour later he walks into the restaurant, face like a thundercloud. Recalling this evening, I almost forgot that Leslie joined us. I couldn’t think clearly, after receiving his text. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him angry before - and he was livid.
Apparently, the dinner had been moving along, when his ex-wife had sabotaged the meeting. She had,jokingly, of course!referred to our team as a washed up and incompetent bozos.Did she meant me?Granted, as Sissy pointed out, some of our team were likely idiots, but hey, we were a startup! Leslie assured David that he is probably overreacting and reading too much into it. But he’s adamant. He felt the Jaime and Sarah’s demeanor change immediately.
I didn’t quite understand, myself. Why had his ex-wife gone to all the trouble of pretending to be nice and welcoming, only to try to ruin the dinner? Maybe she just didn’t understand how to be nice. Maybe she hadn’t realized what she’d said.Or maybe… All the little things - the way she treated her secretaries, her unease at our success, the way she looked at Sarah, the strange way that the office gossip always focused on David’s likely exploits with employees who knew it was fiction… But why? She was getting a lot of business out of the arrangement. Why would she?
The next morning, we picked up the team meeting where we’d left off. Both Jaime and Sarah appeared fully engaged,but perhaps more distant or is that my imagination playing tricks on me?Perhaps Leslie had been right. David’s ex-wife, however, stayed away from this one. Curious. Finally, we got to Sarah’s portion of the agenda. She launched into her analysis of marketing strategy that we didn’t have the time the night before. I don’t know whether she’s ever had to present to a seasoned team - or present at all. She was definitely unprepared for when David, Leslie and others started asking her questions regarding her opinions. She became more and more flustered. Finally, she stood up angrily. She turned to Jaime, saying, “I can’t work like this!” and ran out of the room.
We all looked at each other stunned. You didn’t do that as a professional. Jaime apologized and said he’d go and get her. I was sitting where I could see the hall, and she had run, of all places, to David’s ex-wife’s office.Stupid girl.The door was closed. She knocked on the door, and the secretary looked at Sarah with an odd expression and informed her that the boss was out to lunch with a business associate.
Next thing I saw, Sarah doubled back toward the conference room, since it was closer to the exit. She went past us and toward the exit. Jaime followed her, and David followed him. David came back to the conference room a little while later and closed the door behind him very slowly. I don’t know what words were exchanged between him and Jaime.
“Well, Jaime is out of the deal for future office sites. We’ll have to do with Chicago and Vegas until we can fund that expansion internally. Leslie, Anna, I’m counting on you,” he said giving Leslie and me a look that spoke volumes.How dare a subpar team question Sarah’s expertise.“We also need a new legal firm,” he continued. “If you have any contacts, now would be a good time.”
The next day, his ex’s secretary quit in a very dramatic fashion and apologized to our team on her way out the door. By the end of the week, David cut his ex-wife entirely out of his professional dealings and asked her to move offices. She moved out of the office to her own suite in a different building as was the original plan. But the damage was done.
Office politics are a pain in the patootie.
* * *
September 6,1:00am
My phone is buzzing.There are a handful of numbers that get that kind of priority. So, I wake up to a text from him at one in the morning,
At hospital, will let you what happens.
I’m panicking. What am I supposed to do with that? Should I go to the hospital? I’m pretty sure I know where he is. What if his ex is with him? What if she took him? I wonder if I can call and pretend to be his sister. I’m pretty sure he has a sister. Anyway, would the hospital even know?
Finally, I text him, hoping he has his phone on me. Thank God, he responds,
I’m okay. Go to sleep.
