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Laura calls me in the morning. She wants to get mimosas,justher and me this time. No boys. I get up, pick out a cute dress and leggings, and drive over. As soon as she sees me in the parking lot, she runs over.
“I’m so, so sorry for last night! It’s just, it was John’s first time at a party. I didn’t know that he wanted to come until the last minute and, well, I couldn’t leave him by himself.” She pauses. “Let’s just have this day for us, okay?”
I think it’s okay. David told me to go and have fun. That he needed to get a lot of work done, anyway. He didn’t say so with any malice or resentment. I believe he really wants me and Laura to have a good time. So, I should.
“Yeah, come on. This place is great. They just give you a bottle of champagne and a carafe of orange juice. Also, I’m feeling pancakes. What about you?”
We laugh and drink well into the afternoon. Unlimited mimosas does mean unlimited at this location. We can stay here as long as we feel. There’s an expectation you keep ordering food and tip well, but I can do both. I love food. And this place has excellent breakfast fare.
I honestly could see her as my girlfriend. I can tell she likes the idea, too. But I don’t know that her family would approve. I’m pretty sure they want her with a husband and a lot of little ones. Probably a friendly dog and a white picket fence. And…an apple tree. Or a lemon tree. So, we can pick her own lemons and make lots of lemonade and lemon desserts for the neighbors.
* * *
March 14, 2:45pm
For the restof the winter, she and I go on dates together and mostly leave the boys behind. She says John has moved to New York, so they’re probably breaking up. He wants a girl of his own, she says. He doesn’t like sharing me. I don’t love that way of thinking. I don’t see her as a toy to take turns with, but a human being. But I get what he’s saying. I suppose that’s fair for him to want different things, and he wants possessiveness and ownership of monogamy. Weird thing is, I feel like I have that ownership – but only because the people in my life want to be here.
* * *
Part III
The Tower of the Moon
* * *
"When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth..."
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
* * *
17
Curious Case of the Kitten Mommy
If you flirt with another? I’ll happily curl up with you and chat with you about your new crush. If you play games, I’ll grow disinterested and wander off. If you, well, I don’t have the time to list everything you might do. But I’m sure there’s plenty of strategies.
Perhaps you think it’ll make me try harder to keep you. Or that I’ll swoon, as your jealousy warms the cockles of my heart. Jealousy is good, say the toxic TV dramas and the stupid movie plots that rely on love triangles to provide conflict. Jealousy isn’t a sign that something is wrong. It’s “proof” you are loved. Fine, some people may like that sort of thing. But it isn’t my kink, so please respect that.
You see, what you choose to do with yourself is your decision, not mine. I’d no more feel jealous of another person taking your time, than I would of my neighbor letting a cousin borrow their boat. The boat isn’t any of my business, and neither is how you choose to spend your time.When I say I don’t own you, I mean it. Not your time, energy, emotions, or body.
Of course, it sparks negative feelings in me, because I’m human.Have I been cheated on before? What a silly question. What woman (and for that matter, most men, non-binary, everyone) has not? But I feel annoyed at the lack of respect and idiocy, not jealous. Or, at the very least, disappointed in my failure to communicate that I wanted honesty. Perhaps it’s because I have always been non-monogamous. Perhaps it was partially on me, but, nonetheless, what a waste of my compersion.
Was I upset when my dating partner left me when I stayed home one night, and he met this new girl at a party? Yes. I felt the loss. But did I immediately jump to, “How do I win them back?” or “That slut! I’m gonna show her what’s mine!” Honestly, I didn’t see the point of bothering. The person made it clear, in my mind, that they didn’t want me. Who was I to try to argue otherwise?
So, try to make me jealous. I dare you.Try and make me jealous, though, as a favor. Because then I’ll know, for certain, the kind of person that you are. It’ll clear up my schedule for the honest people in my world. Plus, it’ll free up some of my time to get my hair and nails done, and craft that perfect, flirty message to that girl I’ve been eyeing for a while.
* * *
December 31, 10:00pm
It’sNew Year’s Eve. My family is over to watch the fireworks from my palatial balcony. My sister, her boyfriend, Dee, and my mother. I am already regretting inviting her, but she’s been trying so hard to re-establish any sort of relationship, and I wanted to make the gesture. Plus, David insisted I invite her. His point was that if I didn’t try, I would never know whether or not there was a chance. Of course, she brought her new boyfriend. I’m twenty-six, for God’s sake, you’d think those guys would stop showing up trying to be my new dad. I already have a dad, thank you very much. I just don’t talk to him. I also love how my mom pretends I didn’t move out of her house and have not talked to her for almost four years.
We’re sitting around the dining room table playing cards and listening Dee describe that case that seemed to swallow her time for the past few months, when I hear a knock on the door. It’s David, of course. He did a quick work trip right after the Christmas party, and made sure he could get back in time for fireworks. He knocks out of politeness, since he has a key that he apparently used. By the time I have a chance to push back in my chair, he has wheeled his suitcase into the living room.
“Hi!” Did I sound too bright and cheery? Oops. I hope not. “Hey, everyone, this is David. David, my sister, her boyfriend, and my best friend, Dee. And this is my mother and her boyfriend.” David shoots me a glance, noticing my discomfort and takes over working the room. I reassess my opinion of him as an introvert. He seems to actually enjoy this, more so than I. Where has this side of him been for the past year.
But he puts everyone at ease, and pretty soon the UNO game gets competitive as we’re clinking glasses and watching the fireworks display. I notice Dee and David exchanging glances throughout the night. I’ve told each of them a lot about the other, so they’re sizing each other up. I wonder where this will lead. Somewhat lost in my mind, I start picturing the two of them together, and then the three of us together.
