AllFreeNovel
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29% Daddy/Mommy
20% Masochist
18% Master/Mistress
16% Dominant
12% Primal (Hunter)
7% Owner
0% Rigger
0% Sadist
0% Degrader
0% Brat tamer
0% Ageplayer
* * *
August 2, 3:00pm
I’m lying inhisbed in the middle of the afternoon, while watching a documentary on kittens, and I think to myself, “I feel quite submissive today.”
I feel a desire to serve. Not only him, either. If a stranger asked me to make them breakfast, I’d have whipped up a batch of scrambled eggs and French toast before even thinking to ask them what they wanted. Something about serving him makes me want tobethis way.
I even made master coffee (and thought about making omelets, but the pan was dirty, not my fault!). I even got dressed. Just like a good, little domestic kitten. He kept telling me, “You’re doing fine,” and I’m like, “But I want to do a GOOD job!” But, to be honest, it isn’t easy to maintain a perfectionist attitude when his gaze is on you.
I have plenty of tasks ahead of me. Some of them are for my own good; others are for my pleasure; and, of course, there are the ones for his pleasure. I think he has a right to treat himself. I haven’t gotten to even half of them yet, but I’m actually doing better than normal.
* * *
August 23, 2:45pm
I’m tryingto be nice here, I swear to God I am. The twins invited me to his game.They’re seven now. Seven! Cool.I know David’s ex would be there. It’s the first game of the season. He says she always comes to that one, and so far that’s held true. It’s her right, of course, but I kind of like coming to their other games where I never worried about seeing her. Selfish, I know. I’m sure the kids would’ve wanted her there. They act like it’s no big deal, but it must hurt. I remember how much it hurt me. I don’t say anything to them, because that would be cruel to rub it in. Fortunately, the other moms are incredible and practically swoop in to protect me like I’m their baby chick.
As we’re leaving the game, she’s with the twins, taking them home. But she turns to me and gives this saccharine smile, “Oh, do you want to give Anna loves?” The kids and I just stand there for a moment, looking at each other. I get the sense they don’t know what to do anymore than I do. They knows she hates me, it’s not like she hides that from them. They don’t really want to hurt her feelings, or at least I’m presuming that they doesn’t. But I’m the adult. So I lean over to them. “Love you, kids, see you next time!” It’s a pretty pathetic hug - I know what his real hugs feel like and they’re amazing— but I assume they were awkward because they didn’t want to hurt their mother’s feelings. And they was trying their best. And they’re seven.
The boy pulls back quickly, “Bye, Anna! I hope you get to go hiking tomorrow.” It’s his way of saying “I love you.” It’s sweet that he remembers his dad and I are supposed to hike the falls tomorrow. The girl lingers a little longer and just says “Bye.” I think that’s the end of it, but she is uncharacteristically stubborn.
“Why don’t you and I get a coffee?” What the fuck is wrong with you, woman? I’m not your friend. You’re not my friend. You’ve poisoned how many people against me and tried to poison your own kids.Does she think I don’t know?They are David’s kids, however, so they quicker and more independent than some of my old team members.It won’t work with them. They might love me just to spite you.I won’t deny they love you. But if there’s something they hate more than they love anyone in this world, it’s being told they can’t do something. Especially something they know they’re plenty capable of doing.
“Sure, I’ll get a coffee.” It’s a trap, but I should know what she’s planning.
So next day, she swings by to pick me up, I get in her car, and she starts driving. We arrive at the coffee shop in silence. I order a latte. When we get to the table, she takes a sip of her drink (something hot, I don’t know what.).
“Do you want my blessing to be with David?” she asks., “After all, my children are important to me. This affects me.”Oh, my God. She’s a psycho. Her blessing? You left him, you crazy bitch. How did that affect your children? The father of your children? Have you cared at all about that? So now you have some hot supposedly millionaire who wants to marry you. Great, I’m happy for you. But don’t act like you’re suddenly concerned for your children’s welfare. I’m plenty good enough to be near him and them.You know what? I don’t have time for this. I stand up.
“I have nothing left to say to you,” I tell her. And I walk out, without looking back. Damn. I forgot my latte.Andmy chocolate dipped madeleines.This is upsetting.
* * *
August 24, 6:45pm
I’ve eaten half a pizza,five caramels, and a strawberry ice cream bar. I never do this. I’ve never been the girl to eat a gallon of ice cream straight out of the container after a breakup. But here I am, stress eating yet another caramel.
