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He didn’t whisper it or hesitate. The words came out clear and strong like he was announcing an irrefutable fact.I wished I could be as certain as he seemed to be.
“Tell me something about you,” I said, my voice softer than I’d like.
His body stiffened so subtly that I wouldn’t have noticed if I wasn’t plastered against him. “What do you want to know?” he asked, but there was an undercurrent of dread in his voice.
“Anything.” But there was something I was especially curious about, especially after his nightmare. “Why’d you leave the army?”
There was a pause—a moment where the air almost seemed charged with something—and then he was moving, shoving aside all the tulle and Jordan almond packages and then laying me down on the carpeted floor.
His eyes lit up with heat and that smirk was back on his face, but I knew him now—knew him better than he probably wanted me to since he wouldn’ttellme anything—and I could see he was deflecting before the words even left his mouth. “That’s a boring story. I’d much rather fuck you so hard you can’t see straight.”
Either something truly awful had happened during his time in the army…or he just didn’t want to tell me anything about himself because this didn’t mean to him what I could no longer deny it meant to me.
I wasn’t sure which option hurt my heart more, but I knew I couldn’t have sex with him in my current mental state. My tears weren’t just about my pending decision about school or my mom, but the uncertainty I felt with him after the other night. Despite my better judgment—despiteknowinghe was likely going to break my heart from the very beginning—I’d fallen for him. My stupid heart hadn’t needed words or his life story. It loved the way he made me feel whole, cherished, appreciated. His actions had convinced my dumbass heart that we weren’t going to be crushed. But I’d just laid myself out bare for him and he was deflecting with sex again instead of giving me what I needed from him.
I couldn’t do it.
I put a hand on his chest, and because I loved him, I tried to cushion my rejection with a weak smile.
“Not tonight, okay. I really just want to finish this and go to bed. I’m exhausted.” It wasn’t a lie, but it also wasn’t the truth. His smile faltered, but he nodded his head and sat back, helping me up. We spent the rest of the night tying Jordan almonds while the TV played a show in the background. We didn’t talk, and when we crawled into bed, I knew we wouldn’t have sex tonight or any other night in the future. I couldn’t allow my heart to continue on this path. I couldn’t get invested in a relationship with a man who always held me at arm’s length. I knew my worth now because of Connor.
And I knew I deserved more than this.
I always knew this had an expiration date, but tonight had proved to me that if I wanted to save myself from a heartbreak like I’d never felt before, thishadto end.
Sooner rather than later.
DON’T BE SURPRISED WHEN YOUR CHANCES RUN OUT
CONNOR
I always knew this reception was going to be a disaster. What I hadn’t expected was the tension to come from Jenna and me just as much as it came from our parents.
Jenna had been even more distant since her meltdown over Jordan almonds and her confession about vet school a couple of nights ago.
I knew what was bothering her. I’d known the second she shut me down that night. It was the first time she’d turned down sex since we got together, and I knew I was riding a thin line of being able to salvage this relationship. But I needed her to give me a little more time. I knew what she wanted, and I was trying to work through my mental blocks to encourage the words to come, but nothing I tried helped. Not that I really knew what to try. I didn’t exactly grow up in a family that was open about their feelings or failures. You kept that shit to yourself.
That philosophy had served me just fine my entire adult life until now.
Even knowing what was bothering her, I didn’t know how or when I’d get a chance to fix it. It wasn’t like I could pull her aside and dump my baggage on her while we were trying to handle the clusterfuck that was our parents.If I could even force the words out of my throat.
If I thought things were tense with me and Jenna, it was only a fraction of the glacial chill between our parents. They came in separate vehicles and hadn’t spoken a single word to each other the entire time. My dad was over talking with his friends, and Jenna’s mom was on the opposite side of the room talking to hers.
I was impressed by the turnout considering it was clear by the looks of the guests that everyone knew this reception was a total joke. There was no love apparent between my dad and Jenna’s mom. My only question at this point was if they’d make it to the end of the reception before they announced they were getting divorced. Should they even open the gifts, or should I hand them back to the guests as they left?
These were all questions I would’ve asked Jenna and we’d probably laugh about how predictable our parents were, but Jenna was very clearly ignoring my existence.
I glanced over at her to gauge what the odds were of her letting me approach without finding an excuse to walk away when I caught the tail end of her mom’s comment to her friends. “Jordan almonds are so last season. I wanted these fancy honey-dipped pistachios dusted with gold flakes that I’d seen in a magazine, but this was all Jenna could find. She’s not as connected as we are, but that’s okay, sweetheart. You tried.” She patted Jenna on the shoulder before focusing solely on her friends while my gaze hyperfocused on the only woman in this building who mattered at all.
Her face was devoid of emotion, but I was observant and I’d made it my purpose to know every nuance of Jenna’s expressions. And no matter how well Jenna tried to hold herself together, her eyes would always give her away if you looked close enough.
The devastating heartbreak she was trying so hard to hide was what broke my resolve to keep my distance until we could talk privately.
Fuck that.
I was done appeasing her mom’s bullshit. Not when she couldn’t even give Jenna a thank you for all the time and tears she’d put into this Titanic-level disaster of a wedding reception.
I walked over with purpose, thankful the distance was so short, then gently grabbed Jenna above the elbow. I pasted on the fakest smile I could manage. “Excuse me, ladies. I need to steal Jenna away.”
