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JENNA
“Jenna, did you hear me?”
My mom’s voice broke through my brain fog. It had been two days since their disaster of a reception and my breakup with Connor, and in those two days, I’d done nothing.
I came home, sat down on my couch, and cried. Once the tears subsided, I didn’t have any energy to move, so I stayed there. I probably would have still been there if my mom hadn’t called me this morning and demanded that I join her for brunch.
You’d think I’d be ravenous after subsisting on crackers and Pop-Tarts for the last two days, but my stomach was in knots.
Everything feltwrong.
“Jenna!”
Mom shouted my name and then glanced around, offering an apologetic smile to the few people that were around us.
“Sorry, what were you saying?”
She huffed and then took a sip of her mimosa before facing me with a somber expression. “Dick and I have decided to get divorced.”
Color me shocked.
I stared at her, waiting for more, but she arched a brow at me like she was expecting me to say something.
“Shocker.”
My eyes widened at the same time hers did and I slapped my hand over my mouth. I couldn’t believe I’d just said that. Sure, I was thinking it, but I’ve thought plenty of things about my mom’s relationships over the years and never once have I slipped up in front of her.
“Jenna Marie Jones, I did not raise you to speak to me that way. The least you can do is show some compassion. Can’t you tell I’m devastated?”
Nope. I couldn’t. There wasn’t even a glistening in her eyes to suggest she was working up some tears. Her tone was completely unaffected, and her expression told me she was more upset I didn’t bend over backward to console her than the fact that her latest marriage was over.
And then it hit me. Why was I always protecting her feelings? Why didn’t I tell her the truth?
It would likely blow up in my face, but what exactly did I have to lose? So I let loose.
“You don’t look devastated at all. And why should you be? You knew him, what, for all of a month?”
“Jenna!”
“No. You don’t get to act all butt hurt because I’m not fawning all over you. I’m going through my own shit and you never, ever ask me about my feelings or give a shit how I’m doing. So why should I care about your feelings? You go through men like people go through disposable water bottles. I don’t even remember most of their names or attempt to learn anything about them because I know it won’t matter. The only person you love is yourself, and I’m sick of pretending that our relationship will ever be more than…this,” I finished, gesturing between us with a limp hand.
Mom stared at me like she didn’t recognize me—like some alien had taken over her daughter.
Right about now was when the shame and guilt should start to eat at me, but it didn’t come. Instead, I felt lighter. I felt free. I didn’t have to keep up this stupid charade. I didn’t have to attempt to appease her when I knew nothing I did would ever be enough for her. But not because of me, because ofher.She wasn’t enough for herself, so how could anyone else possibly be?
I pushed away from the table. “It’s been a rough few days for me, and I don’t want to be here anymore, so I’m going home. Thanks for brunch.”
I stood and looked at my mom, who was gaping at me like a fish out of water, then turned and walked away. It wasn’t until I was home that the feelings I’d pushed away to be functional in public hit me hard.
My apartment felt empty without him here.
Ifelt empty.
The tears I thought I’d cried out two days ago came back with a vengeance, and I sagged against the door and then slid down until my butt hit the floor. The last time I was in this position, Connor knocked on the door and made it all better. Another flood of tears let loose as I sobbed into my arms wishing he was here this time, but I couldn’t keep sacrificing myself for other people.
I couldn’t hand him my heart if he couldn’t even tell me anything significant about his life.
My phone dinged, and my stupid heart fluttered with hope thinking it might be Connor only to crash down into my stomach when it wasn’t him, but Sadie.
