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It’s a deceptively simple thought. One that seems so obvious now that it’s lodged inside my head. But that’s not how I was baked as a kid. And overcoming all those toxic assumptions, the tired beliefs about being a dutiful son no matter how awful my home life was, is not easy work.
But I’ve done it. I’m doing it now by being in a relationship with Jen. Chasing after a happy ending, even though part of me will always believe I don’t deserve it.
My actions prove that I do. In my heart, I feel that everyone deserves to be happy. I just need to include myself on that list.
“Be proud of yourself, son.” Joe gives my shoulder a squeeze. “You know how to love someone well. Love them for who they are.”
I swallow, thinking about how Jen’s in love with all sides of me. The darkandthe light. How she’s welcomed both, inviting me to show up fully as I am. No alterations. No holding back.
The fact that she’s turned on by my dark and my light is a major bonus.
“I think I learned how to love like that from Jenny.”
Joe’s smile deepens. “She’s good at that, loving people for who they are. Makes you feel safe, doesn’t it?”
“Yes,” I breathe. “Safe. Great way of putting it.”
Setting down the sketchbook, Joe pulls me into a hug. I’ve always appreciated that this man is a hugger. He’s never been afraid to show affection. Part of the reason I gravitated toward him as a love-starved kid.
“I love you, son,” he says.
My voice croaks when I reply, “I love you too, Joe. Thank you. For everything. For being you most of all.”
He holds me for as long as I need to gather myself. Stepping out of his arms, I feel like I’m floating. The heaviness in my chest and legs is gone. Replaced by a heady kind of lightness that has me smiling hard enough to hurt.
“I got some wrongs I gotta make right, so I’m gonna head out.” I toss my thumb over my shoulder. “Quick question for you, though. How many people do you think would show up to a very belated kinda-sorta reception tonight?”
Joe’s eyebrows pop up. “You’re not throwing your own reception, Abel.”
I run a hand through my hair. “But I want to show Jen—surprise her?—”
“You’re not throwing it because I am.” Joe’s smile is back. “I’ll recruit Lady as my co-party-planner.”
I dig my phone out of my pocket. “I’ll call Riley and reserve the patio at Stede’s.”
“I’ll start calling everyone else.”
“I’ll reach out too. Check in shortly?”
Joe’s eyes twinkle. “Sounds like a plan.”
thirty-three
. . .
Jen
Sorta Fairy Tale
I bend my elbow,just like Abel taught me.
And just like he taught me, I make an arcing motion with my arm, releasing the frisbee at the top of the arc.
The frisbee wobbles, then wings around to plummet into the sandbehindme. Cher and Tai just look at me, their little ears cocked. I swear I see disgust on their faces. Or maybe it’s pity.
I gather my bangs in my hand and hold them away from my face, sighing. “Sorry that I still suck at frisbee, y’all. Mom is trying.”
Really, I’m trying to figure out what the hell just happened with Abel. I’ve never seen him like that. Ever. It scared me, yes, but more than that, it has me worried. What did his dad say to him to upset him that way?
