AllFreeNovel
Share Us
That he’s gonna love spoiling her rotten, just like he’s spoiled her big sister, Katie.
My heart squeezes. Tuck sniffles. Maren beams, and Dad rocks Reese as he softly singsTwinkle Twinkle Little Starto her.
I suddenly feel slightly less awful about being in a fake relationship with Abel. Dad issohappy seeing Tuck make his dreams come true, which makes me feel like he’ll be on cloud nine when he finds out I’m married.
It’s also apparent that no one has said anything to Tuck or Dad about seeing Abel and me having dinner together or making out last night. Kind of a miracle, when you consider how fast word travels in Harbour Village.
Then again, it’s only been twelve hours or so. I also didn’t recognize anyone at the restaurant, other than Brian.
Maren asks for some water. Tuck jumps into action, grabbing a big styrofoam cup off a nearby counter and refilling it at the sink before handing it to her.
“You’re the best,” she says with a smile.
Tuck leans down to kiss her. “Proud of you, Tiny.”
I cannot stand the cuteness. The joy.
I want this.
The proclamation rings loud and clear inside my head, startling me with its firm certainty.
In my bones, IknowI want a family. IknowI want a sense of connection with the people I love. IknowI want love and respect and space to be myself without worrying about what everyone else thinks or needs.
I know what I want.
Brushing away tears, it hits me that maybe I’ve known all along. For whatever reason, though, I’ve never believed I’ve deserved it. And that’s why I try so hard to be good. Because some dark psychological quirk has led me to believe that if I’m good, if I’m virtuous,thenI’ll find my person.
If I’m perfect,thenI’ll deserve love and respect and space.
Time has proven over and over again that this is categoricallyuntrue. It’s magical thinking. I’ve tried so hard for so long to be PerfectMaximCoolGirl, and Prince Charming has yet to show up. Yes, I’d be perfectforsomeone as that girl. But I wouldn’t be livingmyperfect life. Or at least a life that at least makes me feel alive.
Which means I can probably stop trying so hard to be someone else’s idea of perfect.
I probably won’t be punished for tryingless. Or not at all.
Virtue, I’m learning, is not a direct line to happiness.
But let’s be real. Am I an idiot to hook up with my fake husband? Or am I an idiot to pass up the perfect opportunity to get laid and get good at asking for what I want?
Hooking up could even help our ruse work that much more effectively. Good sex will definitely put pep in my step. Dad will like seeing that.
I let these thoughts meander through my head as the day goes on. Maren and Tuck insist I’m welcome to hang out as long as I want. I try to be helpful; apparently Abel reserved the driver and car for the entire day, so I run out to a nearby Greek place to grab wraps for lunch.
Dad goes home afterward. He says he doesn’t want to be a bother, but I know he’s not feeling great. I have him text me when he gets back to Bald Head, were Lady picks him up at the ferry.
Holding Reese one last time later that afternoon, the sweet new-baby smell of her making my chest swell, I wonder who the hell I am. The auntie who would stay up all night just to keep holding this darling baby?
Or the mob wife looking to get railed by her older brother’s hot best friend?
Why not both?
fourteen
. . .
Abel
Now or Never
