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The tears sting my eyes and I lay my head back, willing them away. This wasn’t the conversation I was expecting by coming here today. I figured I’d get a bit of ‘leave her alone Bill’ or ‘she’ll come around Bill’ but not this. There’s so much more I never realized that led to that final night. I don’t like thinking back on it. I’ve re-lived it a thousand times over and even though she’s in my bed now, it still makes me rage.
“Do you remember that asshole she was engaged to?”
Mom smiles. “I do.”
“I saw him one night, and he wasn’t alone. We exchanged words. They had broken up for a minute. Did you know that? But then the asshole comes back, gets her to take his ring and then shows up to Moose’s looking for a fight. I wanted to warn her. I wanted to save her! Then Tom called and I couldn’t connect to his call. Adam wouldn’t stop following me. It’s like he knew something was up.” I take a deep breath, trying to calm my anxiety. “You know how that night ended.“
“Bill, your heart is the best thing about you. You’ve grown. You were a stupid kid, but you’re not a kid anymore. I see the difference in you. It kills me that you think you’re not good enough, but you are. These grandkids of mine adore you. Dom thinks you hung the moon. Adam swears you’re the force behind the business. And don’t get me started on your sister. Or your twin. Do you know Tom has said on more than one occasion he wishes he had your confidence? And your charisma. Billy, you’re larger than life and it has nothing to do with alcohol or being the life of the party. You’re something special. Vincent saw it from day one. So did Al. Don’t let anyone take that from you. I’m proud of who you are.”
“Oh please, mom. I’m a thirty-three-year-old screw up.” When she interrupts, I cut her off. “With a good heart.” I roll my eyes and she smacks my arm.
“No Billy. You may have taken the long route, but you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.”
“Living in sin? Seems about right, that woman would be the only one to get me kicked out of the Garden of Eden.”
She shakes her head,tskingme. “Adley is probably the only one strong enough to handle you.” She raises her brow and continues. “It’s not about marriage, it’s about commitment. She’s showing it to you. It’s hard for her, too, you know? Her and Chelsea come from the same family, and you know their background. Adley was left in that home when Chelsea went to college. I’m sure she heard and saw things that scare her to death about marriage.”
“But I don’t want to look like that guy who won’t marry.”
“Who cares what it looks like! You know we’re talked about in this town for everything we do. Adam and his secret love child made news. Your sister married the superstar playboy. Hell, Tom thinks he killed Cash’s cousin. If the least you’re known for is a spinster, that’s nothing.”
I laugh. “A spinster? Jesus, Ma, you’re showing your age.”
“Almost forty years of marriage, four kids and four grandkids and counting, will do that to someone.”
“I don’t want to be seen as the baby anymore. The baby without a plan. Or the drunk or the brother who was in rehab-”
“You’re not him, Billy. And I’m sorry that I am responsible for you feeling that way. You’re just like me. And I was just like you at your age.”
“How? You were married with all these damn kids.”
“But I had a problem, son. I was tired and felt I couldn’t do it all. Your dad worked all the time. So I buried my feelings in a bottle. When he approached me about it, I fought it, but I realized I was becoming dependent. Just how my dad was. They say it’s hereditary and we all party and drink, but I passed the worst of it to you. If I wasn’t so lax about wanting to be your friend instead of just being your mom, maybe it wouldn’t have happened.” She gets a distant look. “That night was the worst of my life. I wouldn’t have gone on in life if you didn’t pull through. I’d never forgive myself for destroying this family.”
“Mom, that’s not on you. I made my own choices.”
“Yes, but as a mom it’s a different feeling. You’ll see when you have your own kids. You’re different now. You’ve got it undercontrol. You’ve got help from everyone around you. And Adley is amazing.”
Do I have it under control?
“But she won’t marry me, and I doubt she’ll ever want kids with me.”
“You’d be surprised how fast life can redeem itself, Bill.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
ADLEY
Openingthe front door of Adam and Chelsea’s house, I quietly enter, taking note of the pink toys mixed in with trucks and a baseball glove. It’s a completely domestic scene with diaper bags and toddler sneakers strewn about, and although seeing this stuff doesn’t scare me like it did three days ago, deep down, I’m still mostly scared. I suppose it’s slowly creeping toward more of an excited fear, that whole ‘what’s going to happen next’ fear of the unknown.
“Hey sis,” I say as I enter the kitchen, immediately taking the glass out of her hands and grabbing another for myself before filling them both and bringing them to the table where she retreated.
“I’m pregnant, not helpless,” she says blandly. “I can pour a glass of water.”
“Just let me help. Once those babies come out, you’re on your own again.”
She rolls her eyes but then sighs as she replies, “How the hell am I supposed to take care of five kids?”
“Just four. Dom will be in school during the day.”
