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“Is it?” Amusement sparkles in her eyes. “Good to know.”
I huff a laugh. “You’re not going to make this easy on me, are you?”
“Nope.” She pops the word with her lips before they spread into a wide grin. “So, how have you been? Anything important happen the last couple of days?”
I plan to say no but surprise myself when I reveal, “Coach Vaughn keeps asking me to step up.”
Her head tilts to the side. “Step up? How?”
I sigh and look at the back of the seat in front of me. “He wants me to be a leader. He says the locker room is missing Lawrence’s presence.”
“He’s probably right. Lawrence was like a big brother to most of the guys on the team.”
I’m not surprised. The former pitcher has a reputation in the league for being a genuinely good guy whereas I have a reputation for being an asshole.
I read the title of the plane’s safety card a couple of times before I admit, “I have no experience being a big brother or a leader.”
“That’s not true.”
I slide my eyes her way. “If you say you view me as a big brother, we’re going to have a problem.”
She laughs and shoves my arm playfully. “No. I’m saying it’s not true that you have no experience as a leader. You were the captain of the high school baseball team your senior year.”
“Because I was the best player. It had nothing to do with leadership skills.”
“Then what about during college? Hm? I bet Kendrick would say you took on a leadership role in Kansas.”
If he does, it would be a lie.
I’ve always been a team player despite what the media and the Loons organization may say about me, but I’ve never stepped up to take on that role for a team. I never felt like a leader. I’m just a guy lucky enough to play the sport he loves for a living. I do what I can to help my team win, but I don’t know how tomotivate or guide my teammates to do the same. I’ve only ever worried about myself. And Carter. And Carlee.
Okay, and the people at Soup Soul…
When I don’t respond, Carlee’s voice softens. “Hey, this is a good thing. The coaches must want you to stick around if they’re asking you to step into Lawrence’s shoes.”
“Yeah. Maybe.”
“There’s no maybe.” Her hand lands on mine where it rests on the armrests between our seats. “They see your worth, Corey. They know what you’re capable of. And that is objectively a good thing.”
The instinct to disagree and refuse to accept her words hits me hard. I’ve worked to overcome the damage from years of hearing my father sling insults at me, slurring about how worthless I was almost every day. Now, I know those were just the words of a lonely, angry drunk. They reflected more about him than me. But the self-doubt curated by those harsh words can still bring me to my knees—to hold back and avoid risks for fear of proving them right.
It's the reason I ran away from the beauty next to me all those years ago, and that realization gives me strength to climb out of the dark pit my mind tries to slide into.
“You know, I used to draw our initials together in my school notebook,” Carlee blurts. “With doodles and stars and hearts. Lots of hearts.”
I look over and see her blush before she turns away to try and hide her face. She’s trying to distract me. She senses the emotional turmoil swirling in my head. She’s always been good at that.
Appreciating the shift in conversation, I clear my throat. “Really? Hearts?”
“Hmhmm.” She glances back at me with a sheepish smile. “Carter found it once. His teasing was brutal. I had to convince him I was just writing my initials twice.”
I crack a smile. “It’s lucky we have the same initials.”
“It is.”
“It’ll make it easier for you in the future.”
She frowns. “What do you mean?”
