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Carus stares at me, frowning while I cry. He’s stopped trying to fondle me, but he could at least say something. Anything to at least make me detest him a little less. He’s the one at fault so why should he be free from any punishment?
“The very first time you touched me, I told you to stop. But you kept going, and now it’s come to this!”
Not one ounce of guilt is apparent on his face. It only frustrates me more, turning my face red and my cries harder. I wish I had the ability to hit someone but not even that is in me.
He reaches for me once again. I’m too busy trying to stifle my tears, but they keep coming. He pulls me closer to him and clumsily wipes my face with his sleeve.
“Don’t cry, you’ll spoil your lovely face,” he says.
I glare at him, and for a moment, he looks dejected. He holds my face in his hands, swiftly wiping away any falling tears.
“Please stop crying. This isn’t as bad as you think,” he says.
I scoff. “What makes you think that?”
“We weren't caught. The worst that could’ve happened would be if they saw us in the middle of it. Don’t you think? At least we got to enjoy ourselves a bit.”
I gape in horror and throw his arms off.
“How can you say that? Do you even know what this could mean for me?”
“You’re right, you’re right. My mistake. I didn’t mean it like that. I meant that as a good thing. No one knows anything about us. We’re still fine.”
I shake my head, unable to look at him anymore.
“Just stay away from me, please. Don’t come looking for me again. Don’t even come near the temple anymore. It’s the best course of action.”
He looks at me incredulously. “You can’t be serious.”
“I am,” I snap as I fix my dress.
I start walking away from him, not giving him a second look.
“Shana,” he calls out for me. I hear him take a few steps forward. “Don’t walk away from me.”
I whip my head around, nearly crying again.
“Stop, Carus, please. If you care even a little for me, leave me be.”
He hesitates for a moment. His left hand, outstretched for me, clenches and he pulls it back. A scowl grows on his handsome face. I know it’s because he’s unhappy things aren’t going his way for once.
I turn around, headed back. I can feel his harsh stare right through me. The energy he gives off is that of a tamed beast. Not so tamed when he wants to go hunting and he’s not allowed to.
There’s a stinging in my chest the farther I walk from him. It’s this invisible force still trying to push me into his arms. To accept his lust and desire wholeheartedly.
This wasn’t going to last anyway. I wanted to stop from the very beginning.
As I step into the hall, a sense of peace and relief overcomes me. But this inkling in my chest doesn’t stop. I find myself wanting to turn back towards Carus. I quickly stop myself when I remember where I am, who I am.
I sigh while shaking my head. I’m weaker-minded than I thought I was. I need to be more firm in my duties and my loyalty.
I’ll whip myself a thousand times. I could also kneel on grain for a few hours while I repent. But I’ll have to keep this a secret and sacrifice hours of sleep. I’ll make the punishments last equivalent to the time I spent laying with Carus.
I need to stop thinking about those nights. I will never fall for his words again.
I head to nowhere, trying to shake off the unsettling feeling in my chest. The silence should feel comforting and peaceful, but it feels heavy and suffocating.
“Shana.” His husky and demanding voice slips in my mind.
