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My stomach clenches ever so suddenly, crippling me to my knees as I wretch. Now on all fours, I’m ripped of my breath and fighting to get it back. My insides twist, sending me into agony like I’ve never experienced before.
I look up, desperate for anyone to come around the corner and help me, but I know there’s little chance. Only Calindra and I are usually up before dawn, and she’s hardly going to return this way so soon.
I grab a nearby empty vase, feeling like something’s about to burst out of me. Violently, I throw up until my body decides it’s through and I’m left on the ground like dead weight.
A few minutes pass as I struggle to get back on my feet, praying that was the worst of it. Eventually, and with much strain, I rise, still holding the vase in my arms.
Each step toward the washroom is slow and heavy, and it does not help that a headache brews at the center of my head.
The washrooms are luxurious and pristine, with plenty of room for us handmaidens to share, but right now I’m praying I can get myself cleaned up in time before anyone else comes in.
But getting cleaned up is far from the worst of things. I splash my face with warm water, knowing what’s causing me to feel this way. As a handmaiden, I’m trained to nurse others back to health when they fall ill.
I know the symptoms of any condition like the back of my hand, but this isn’t any normal illness, even though I wish it was.
I dry my face off and look into the mirror, gazing into the eyes of a pregnant woman. I gently lay a hand on my belly, knowing a life is now growing inside of me, that of Carus’s seed.
My tears fall into the basin as I think desperately of what to do. I can hide the true nature of my thoughts, but a pregnancy is something that will only become more and more apparent. There’s no way I can live here and comfortably conceal it.
“My own body will be proof that I’ve broken my vows,” I mutter. “And once Karona finds out, her divine retribution will be unholy… But I’m not letting that happen.”
My despair immediately dissipates as I think of my baby growing inside of me. I have a whole other person to be concerned about, not just myself. If I’m going to make sure they’re safe, I’ll need a good plan and a stable mind to pull it off.
I need to get myself out of this temple, but I can’t just disappear overnight. I need someone to depend on, and I know the perfect person.
Carus once again becomes my final hope, my only beacon of light in a world of darkness that grows the longer I linger in this cesspit of deceit. I hope he’ll still help me after my rejection of his proposal.
I scribe a letter and roll it up, concealing it under my robes. I pick out a hood from my closet, something that’ll keep my identity a secret for what I’m about to do.
There’s not much time remaining. If I’m to secure a safe future for my child then I need to act fast and get back here before the others wake up.
I tread through the temple halls with quiet footsteps, each corner and turn quickening the pace of my heartbeat. Although I’m aware of how silent I’m being, each sound I make, from the breaths I take to the shuffle of my robes, is amplified tenfold in my head.
It’s not until I leave the threshold of the temple that I finally feel safe enough to breathe normally, overcome with relief as I sigh. I look over my shoulder at the temple as it looms over the landscape.
Then, a white shape flashes by one of the upper windows in my peripherals. I snap my gaze to it, but there’s nothing there.
“What was that?”
I think it may have been the same shade of white as my robes, but I cannot tell for certain. I pull my gray cloak and hood tight against my body and begin my journey into the main city.
My search for Carus proves difficult. I expected the likes of him to hang around one of the many taverns and prostitution districts, but my hope dwindles by the time I lose count of my stops.
I never knew how reluctant people were to talk to strangers, for most of them directly ignore my queries. I wander the bustling streets, trying my best to maintain my nerves as time ticks away.
The roads are jammed with market stalls and carriages. Every other step, it seems, I bump into nasty-looking citizens, who’d probably take issue with me if they weren’t in a rush to be elsewhere.
I need to get some air.
I push out of the nonstop-moving crowd, desperate for a break. I come to a halt outside what looks to be an eliteestablishment, the type of place that prohibits entry to the common folk of the city.
Its door opens, and out strolls an unexpected face. I lock eyes with Eras, the soldier who led the negotiation mission for my return. I wonder how he feels as I look into his soul, knowing he’s not the man who led us to safety.
“Shana, what are you doing out here? I thought all handmaidens and priestesses were confined to the temple.”
“Eras,” I stutter. As I think of what to say, I realize I may have run into my only chance of securing a safe future for my child. Swallowing my pride, I straighten myself up and talk with a sincere tone. “I need your help.”
“My help?” he retorts. “I’m not sure what use I can be to you. I already failed to return you to safety once.”
