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I was bigger than the others, with soft curves where they had tight, lean waistlines and hips. After puberty, I seemed to develop more in my chest and hips, along with my backside, giving me more of an hourglass figure. The sudden change threw me off balance, making me feel awkward in comparison.
With that awkwardness came the lowered self-esteem, especially when some of the others found it amusing that I was heavier than them.
Were I a human, I think my curves would be considered attractive, but with the pack, I stuck out like a sore thumb.
It wouldn’t have been an issue if it didn’t alienate me from the others. I didn’t mind the plusher areas and how they made me feel feminine. I thought my body was rather flattering, and the roundness of my face softened my features.
I never thought I was ugly. In fact, I liked how I looked. Objectively, I assumed any regular people would have the same opinion of me.
But to the others in the pack, I was abnormal. I was the anomaly. Sometimes, it felt easier to shrink myself than make others accept me for who I am.
To make matters worse, most pack members never believed I had psychic abilities. They either assumed I was faking it for attention or had a breakdown of some kind.
As a child, my family told me I would be an asset to the pack one day. That my abilities would help earn my place in the ranks. I grew up believing that, but the reality was much harder to digest.
I was called a freak—a mutation.
With all that paired together, I was the outcast. Regardless of my efforts to try and fit in—to act as I should according to them—it never changed.
“Jane?”
That familiar voice reached me, and I instinctively wiped at my eyes.
Ivy, my best friend and the only person who ever accepted me, approached, green eyes wide with concern. The wind tousled her short blonde hair, and she swept it behind her ear.
After surveying me and my surroundings, her worry deepened. “What happened?”
“Riley,” I croaked, holding the ripped paperback in my hand as my coffee sat on its side in the grass. My chest was heavy with defeat. “I can’t even have one day.”
Empathy stitched into her features, and Ivy dropped down to my level as she reached for my hands. “I guessed as much. I swear I could hear them laughing from across town. I’m so sorry they did this to you. Things have been getting worse with them, haven’t they?”
I nodded, trying to keep the tears down despite Ivy’s soft voice making me want to cry even more. I appreciated how gentle she was with me, but her kindness made me feel pathetic.
“They can’t get away with this,” she stated, growing more serious as she fixed the cup and folded the book to make it look better. “Do you want to go to the alpha about it? Maybe he can get them to leave you alone.”
A rush of panic moved through me, and I immediately shook my head. “He won’t. Sam never does anything about it. I think he encourages it.”
Ivy sighed, perhaps aware that I was right.
Ever since Sam became alpha, our quality of life in the pack had gone increasingly downhill. Where there had once been order and general compassion for one another, everyone seemed to be running rampant. Many things were overlooked, people had become complacent, and nobody was moving toward real change. People like Riley got away with everything because Sam either didn’t care to handle it or maybe a part of him enjoyed the chaos.
I tried to go to him in the past, and Sam told me to toughen up. To develop a thicker skin since we were wolves. According to him, wolves can’t be controlled outside of their instincts to follow the alpha, which, in other words, means he wouldn’t do anything to stop them.
In addition to dealing with Riley and everyone else’s scorn, I knew Sam thought the same about me. If he wouldn’t help other members of the pack, why would he stick his neck out for me?
“Can I at least get you a new coffee? Riley shouldn’t dictate your entire day,” Ivy offered, holding out her hand for me.
As lovely as it sounded, a part of my spirit had been too shaken up, and I didn't want to deal with the thought of going back to that coffee shop. Taking her hand, I swallowed back the lump in my throat.
“I appreciate it, but I think I’m just going to head home and try to fix this,” I murmured, carefully waving the broken book in my hand.
That concern lingered in Ivy’s features, but she didn’t push. Instead, she gave my hand a slight squeeze and smiled lightly. “Tomorrow will be better, Janey. I know it. Keep your chin up.”
“Thanks,” I managed, trying my best to believe her sincerity despite my feelings otherwise. “I’ll try to.”
As we said our goodbyes, I kept up my brave face for as long as possible, but my expression fell the moment I was alone again.
I never asked to look the way I do, and I certainly didn’t want any abilities that set me apart from everyone else in the pack. I just wanted to be accepted and to belong. Yet, no matter what I did, it seemed even more impossible.
