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He hummed sadly. “I’m sorry, sis. If it means anything, I’m with ya.”
I moaned and threw myself into my bed.
“Did they say anything to you?”
“No way. They’ve been freaking silent all night. I don’t think I’ve seen them like this since I got caught making out with that girl on the youth trip two years ago.”
We laughed over that, but the humor drained quickly as I considered my parents.
“He asked me to move in with him,” I said, wanting to hear his thoughts. “Like, after the semester is over.”
He blew out a long breath.
“Wow. That’s a big step. Mom and Dad are going to struggle with you moving in with a guy when you’re not even engaged.”
“I know. But I also know that I can’t make every decision based on what they want or what they believe.”
“Funny you say that. If I’d have asked you three months ago, you would have said you’d never move in with a guy before you married him.”
He wasn’t wrong.
“So? What changed?”
I shrugged even though he couldn’t see it.
“Everything,” I admitted. “I’ve done so many things with him I never imagined I would. It’s scary, but it makes me feel so…alive.”
“I know the feeling,” he said. “Same. But just because you want something, can you really make yourself believe that all that other stuff you’ve always believed just…doesn’t apply anymore just because you don’t want it to?”
“Are you saying I’m giving up on what I believe in for the pleasures of the flesh?” I scoffed.
“I don’t know. Are you?”
I frowned, considering his words.
“I guess the big question is, do you feel as connected to God as you did before you met him?”
“Well, I mean, sometimes I forget to pray at night, when I stay over at his house. But I’ve prayed a few times with his youngest son Caden and it’s just wonderful. We pray over meals with the kids, too.”
“That doesn’t answer my question. Do you feel as connected as you used to?”
“I do,” I admitted. “In a different sort of way. I feel like I’ve changed in a lot of ways since we met. So much of me was naïve and young and foolish, to be honest. I never knew what love was, and I never knew that another person could mean so much to me. Maybe that sounds silly. Of course I hoped for love, but to wish for it and to have it are… I don’t know. I guess what I’m trying to say is that no, I don’t consider what I’m doing to be wrong because I intend to marry this man. What difference does it make if we move in together now or later? He’s my forever, Pat.”
“And you’re positive that you’re his? Have you ever stopped to think about what happens if…things don’t work out?”
Just hearing those words put together made my heart ache.
“I pray to God every day that it won't happen, but in the case that it does, I guess I’ll have to move on. Somehow. Thing is, whether I choose to move in with him or not, a breakup would destroy me. And it has nothing to do with sex. It has everything to do with the man.”
“Alright, alright,” Patrick said with a chuckle. “Those are just the questions I have to ask myself with Maria. That’s her name, by the way, Maria.”
He let out a sigh of longing.
“I’ve been thinking about proposing. Is that weird? I know we’re just seniors, but I love her, and I have a plan for the future and everything. I’ve been looking into jobs lately.”
“You mean, proposing after you graduate?”
“Shit, I don’t know. Graduation is so many months away…”
