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Then again, my hesitancy to say the ‘L’ word had nothing to do with her. Not really. It had everything to do with me. Me and fear and that low self-esteem she’d accused me of before. Funny, I’d never known I had bad self-esteem. But everything was magnified with Mia, so in a strange sort of way, it made sense that she’d see it.
When it really came down to it, I was fucking scared. But was my fear really going to keep me from uttering the words she needed to hear? Words she’d admitted to me even though they probably gutted her to release them?
“I don’t know if it means anything,” I finally said, my voice shaking. “Or if you even care…but Mia Miller, I love you, too.”
She gasped and whipped around in my arms, staring up into my face.
“I can’t make you promises,” I blurted next. “I know you can’t either. Hell, I don’t want you to. I want you to stay free as a bird. But if you can have the courage to say it, so can I. I’ve never met anyone like you before, and you plucked up my heart before I even knew what was happening.”
“You’re not just saying it?” she questioned, desperate hope in her glassy eyes.
I shook my head.
“When was the last time I said something just to speak?”
She sobbed again, digging her face into my sweater-swathed chest for a while until she eventually lay still.
We didn’t say anything else that night. No, we just laid there and I thought through every single variation that I could of how this thing between us would end. The sad part was, ninety percent of the options concluded with bloody heartbreak and never seeing each other again.
Even still, these moments made it worth it. Even if I was nothing afterwards but a husk of a man who was simply a writer and a father, it would have been worth it to bask in her glow for just a little while.
Worth it just to feel love.
I woke to movement beside me. The sun was just barely peeking through my curtains as my eyes cracked open. Mia was up, dressed, and she was scritch-scratching on a piece of paper on the nightstand for a moment before she turned back to me and frowned, not noticing that I was awake. Then, she turned and left.
The soft sounds of her footsteps echoed down the stairs, then I heard the front door close behind her.
That quick she was gone, and I was fucking alone.
I dove for that paper, crumpling it in my desperation to snatch it up.
Owen,
I’m sorry I bugged you last night. I need some time.
I’m going home for a couple days over fall break and I’ll be home in time to help put together the midterms.
So sorry again. I hope you’ll forgive me.
With love,
Mia
I gripped the paper so hard it wrinkled, but then I let go, terrified I’d break it.
In my hand was, what I knew to be possibly the last thing she’d ever write to me. There was a nagging realization that with Mia going home…she might never come back.
For the first time in a very, very long time, I closed my eyes and prayed to a god I hoped was listening.
Please…let her come back. I don’t know if I can live without her.
Chapter 16
-Mia-
Clea was at class before I got back to the dorm. I left her a note just like I had for Owen before packing a quick bag and loading up my dirty laundry for an excuse to go home. Then, I started the hour long trip back to Louisville where a hug from Mom waited for me.
Dad was at work when I drove up to the house. Mom’s car was in the driveway, so I knew she’d be home, or at least close, maybe at a neighbor’s house.
