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I have no answer to that because Mickey Gruber was scum and got exactly what he deserved.
Lilli turns and the sadness in her eyes as she stares into mine does something to my heart. I don’t like the expression in her eyes and, for the first time in my life, I prepare for something that may be out of my control.
“Mikhail.” She cups my face in her hand and says sadly, “I am no better than them.”
“What makes you say that?”
I am careful with my answer because the last thing I want is to push her even further away and she sighs. “I may as well change my name to Iris Mahoney and be done with it.”
She shakes her head. “I am here because you want me. You are holding me captive, and I only get to leave when you say it’s okay. Admittedly, you placed a time limit on that, but you also told me you could extend it too. You will pay me one million dollars if I leave, but what happens if I stay? What is our relationship then? You spoke of a ring but as your wife, would my role be the same as all your other employees, just with a different job title?”
I say softly, “I don’t know what you expect me to say because I’m still working it out.”
She lowers her eyes and sighs. “I know. It’s just–”
“Just what, Lilli?” I grip her face and lift it to force her to stare at me and say huskily, “I can’t explain my intentions because I don’t know what they are. I only know I don’t want you to leave. I like having you around and for a man who has never spent time like this with a woman, that’s huge.”
Her eyes glitter and I’m frustrated that I’m not dealing with this well and I rest my head against hers and whisper, “My life is hard, mentally, that is. I may have everything money can buy, but there is one luxury that escapes me. Peace of mind.”
She says nothing and her soft breath dusts against my lips as I say softly, “I am grieving for my father while trying to figure out who murdered him. I am also dealing with my feelings for you at the same time. I don’t want you to go, but I can’t explain why? The thought of it is bringing out the worst in me and right now, leaving me isn’t an option for you. If that makes me a cold-hearted bastard, then I’m sorry about that. You are better off with me, Lilli, whether you agree or not. This world we live in can be unbelievably hard, even when you appear to have it all. Let me take care of you. We’ll work out what this is together.”
“But what if you decide you don’t want this anymore? Pay me to leave and carry on with your life. As I said before, I may as well change my name to Iris and be done with it because that is exactly what our arrangement is.”
She pulls away and says abruptly, “Listen, it’s been a long day and a crazy night. Let’s sleep on it and decide what we both want in the morning.”
I watch with mounting frustration as she slips under the covers, pulling them over her head, effectively shutting me out. I’m left standing with so many emotions hitting me at once, and I don’t deal well with emotion. I’m not equipped for that and so I turn and stare out of the window, much like Lilli did and the man reflected in the glass looks as if he has just lost everything worth living for.
I don’t sleep. Instead, I leave Lilli to rest and head to my den and spend the night working with only a desk lamp and a flickering computer screen for company.
This is where I’m in control. Business. I do it well and I’m soon lost in organizing my family’s shit while pushing aside my own.
At six am I hit the gym, several of my guards already here and as I join them, I lose myself in the familiar, becoming the machine I prefer to be and not the indecisive fool I’ve become around the woman currently sleeping in my bed.
At seven, I head to my bathroom and shower, washing away the sweat and doubts about the man I am around her. If anything, this is exactly what was needed because I’m feeling like my old self. The one who doesn’t give a shit and I dress accordingly.
I’m dressed for business today because we are heading back to the States for a very important meeting. Marsha Steele is about to receive an extremely unwelcome visitor and I wish I had done this days ago. She has all the information I need and then we can move on enabling me to locate this woman and discover her involvement with my father and tick this line of enquiry off my list before moving to the next one.
At seven-thirty I head back into the bedroom and the lump under the covers makes me strangely nervous. Will she be angry with me? Why do I even care and as I sit on the edge of the bed, I say softly, “Wake up, Lilli, it’s time to get ready. We leave in one hour.”
She stirs and I peel back the covers gently and my heart races when I see her yawning as she blinks her eyes open.
“What time is it?”
Her voice is sleepy, and I smile. “Seven thirty.”
“You’re dressed.”
Her eyes widen and I nod. “I’ve been up all night. “
“Why?” She sits up and the strap from her slip falls off her shoulder and she has never looked as desirable as she does now.
“I had a lot to think about.”
“Because of what we spoke about?”
“Yes.”
Her expression is one of concern as she whispers, “I’m sorry, Mikhail. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
