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“Why not?” I shake my head. “I don’t want us to hold anything back, Lilli. No secrets. That’s not how I work.”
“Really, Mikhail?” She raises her eyes. “I’m guessing you have nothing but secrets that you choose to keep hidden inside.”
“Business is different to pleasure, Lilli and you–”
I lean down and kiss her softly on her plump lips. “Are most definitely pleasure.”
“I understand.” She forces a bright smile.
“You said we must leave in one hour. I won’t take long to shower and change. I don’t suppose there’s a coffee going. I could murder one right now.”
“Breakfast is already waiting in the dining room. I’ll meet you there in twenty minutes.”
I stand and don’t look back as I leave her to get ready and I hate how I can’t reassure her. I want Lilli, that alone surprises me, but is it enough? How can I reassure her when I don’t have all the facts myself? I’ve never been in this position before and I may grow bored with her over time.
I’m guessing she wants the full romantic tale. The declaration of love and promise of a future together with kids. If she does, she’s fallen into bed with the wrong man because it’s not in my DNA. I am cold for a reason and Lilli or no Lilli, that will probably never change.
CHAPTER 44
LILLI
Life with Mikhail is certainly never dull, and we left London and boarded his family jet in record time. The journey back is different from the one out here. Mikhail leaves me to sleep, relax, watch a couple of movies, and chat with Josie in the galley. At least I can talk to her, unlike Katerina, who still scares the panties off me.
My heart is sinking every single minute that passes. Mikhail is pulling away from me and distancing himself, which can only mean one thing.
He is preparing for me to leave.
We still have several weeks together, but he’s setting the ground rules in place. My job title is current obsession, and I must learn to live with that.
I resign myself to tucking myself by the window and reading Reggie’s diary to harden my heart against my current situation. I am no different from her. Just luckier that I’m with a man like Mikhail. At least he treats me well and doesn’t pretend this is anything but sex to him. Like Beatrice, I must play this to my advantage and prepare myself that it will end one day, probably soon.
I’m not sure I’m strong enough but, in some ways, this is the perfect time to revisit the entry the night before Reggie died.
I run my hand over the familiar writing, as if it will bring me closer to her somehow, knowing that her hands touched this paper as her innermost thoughts spilled onto the pages.
I can’t go on. Last night was the worst one of my life, and it has broken me. I was paired up with a man who made my flesh creep. Carter Lamont. A cocky, overweight man with thinning hair who is old enough to be my grandfather. As soon as I reached his office in the city, I had a sinking feeling. The plan was to proceed from there at seven pm. Dinner at a private house party and whatever he wants afterward. I know the script already and I hate every word.
I was led to his office by the driver, and the silence of an empty workspace struck me. There was only a security guard on the desk downstairs, which made it eerie as shit.
When the driver left, Carter stared at me from across the room and then told me to spin around. I hated when he rubbed his cock as I did what he asked and licked his lips like the fat pig he is.
Something felt off. I saw it in his eyes, and I wanted to leave. At least when other people are present, there’s a kind of safety net involved. Being alone in an office block with a man like him, someone who wears their intentions on their face, made me extremely uncomfortable.
He didn’t even wait and ordered me to take off my dress and I was confused. This hadn’t happened before, and I foolishly questioned him.
His eyes almost bulged with anger as he yelled at me to take off my fucking dress and crawl over to him on my hands and knees.
I did it, of course I did and felt humiliated as I reached his feet, and he grabbed hold of my hair and dragged me up on my knees.
His cock hung from his pants, and he ordered me to suck it like the filthy whore I am. It wasn’t pleasant. He was so cruel. He pulled my hair so hard it made me cry as he forced his cock down my throat, gripping my face and pinching my cheeks. He was rough and brutal, and I never thought he’d stop and then he came down my throat, pushing in deeper, so I gagged.
I hoped it was the end. I prayed he had finished and then he zipped up his pants and told me to stand by the desk. Then he ordered me to bend over it and he took out a whip and I have never experienced pain like it before in my life as he whipped my ass raw.
He was out of control, demented even. He called me every name I had ever heard and some new ones besides. It hurt so badly, and I remember praying I died rather than live another day in this life.
When he finished, I fell to my knees, and he laughed. As if something was so funny he couldn’t contain himself.
Then he poured himself a glass of whiskey and sat in his chair, drinking it while staring at me cowering on the floor.
