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Dad looked at me, and for the first time in…forever, I felt seen by him. “Wavel has defined our lives even before she died. She was our little angel.”
His words made an emotion I had worked so hard for to disappeared spark again. Stupid jealousy. I was never their angel. I was the devil. The one that sat on one side of someone’s shoulder with a pitchfork in hand. I wasn’t loved. Not by my parents, and not by Sly.
I dropped my gaze and played with my fingers, wishing I could leave the room. I didn’t want to sit there and listen to him talk so passionately about Wavel when he never in his live felt the same about me. I was Wavel’s twin, but even if I weren’t, he should’ve loved me just the same.
Sly touched my hands, surprising me with his gesture. I looked up at him and saw him smile with a determined gleam in his eyes. My heartbeat fastened, realizing he was about to say something that could change this family forever.
“There is something I’ve been doing to distract myself. I’m spending more time with Caia. We watch movies, read books, and I’ve been watching her paint. She doesn’t know, but I have. I used her at first. When Wavel was still around, I used Caia to be closer to Wavel. I’ve always wanted to be closer to Wavel, but she was such an independent girl. So confident. So selfless. I failed at any attempt to get closer to her, and Caia was the next best thing.”
I listened to his words carefully. They made me angry and jealous, but I stayed calm. I needed to because I knew where this story was going.
“What are you talking about, son?”
Sly squeezed my hand, and I turned it around to slide my fingers through his. His palm pressed against mine, and I looked down to avoid Dad’s critical gaze.
“I’m talking about my love for Wavel. I was in love with her. Always had been. Since the day she got sick, I knew I needed to protect her. I needed to love her, and that’s what I’ve been doing for years. She was the love of my life, until she wasn’t. She left me, died in a fucking accident, and I never got to make her love me. I was obsessed with her, Dad.”
Jealousy.
Stupid jealousy!
Dad cleared his throat and chuckled nervously. “Well, I take it that’s a bit much for brotherly love, son. You’re exaggerating.”
“No, I’m not. I was in love with her. I wanted to kiss her. Sleep with her. Hell, I wanted to start a family with her,” he admitted, laughing. “Shit, I did kiss her. A few nights before she left, I kissed her, and I told her that if she kissed that Jack guy and it didn’t feel as good as kissing me, she should’ve become mine. But she never kissed him. She never even got to meet him in person. God, what a fucking shitshow!” He laughed, and I started to feel uncomfortable. I hated the way he talked about Wavel even though she was long gone. He said he used to love her, but I didn’t think he was already over her. He still loved her, and it made my heart ache.
“Son, do you need me to make an appointment with a real psychologist?”
“You are a real psychologist, so you listen to me!”
“Sly—”
“No, Dad, you listen to me now!”
I swallowed hard, wishing I could pull my hand away from his. But he was holding mine so tightly.
“I used Caia. Made her play a role so I could live my darkest fantasies about Wavel. I made Caia be my Wavel. We had sex. We’re still having sex. I always thought I was going to end up with Wavel, but now that I don’t have her anymore, I had to move on. And Caia was right here.”
He turned to look at me, but I didn’t dare to meet his gaze. I didn’t want him to see my pain and anger. And I especially didn’t want him to see my jealousy. He hated when I was jealous.
“I couldn’t love Wavel anymore, but I think I’m falling in love with Caia instead.”
His words sent shivers down my spine. Hearing him say those words was all I ever wanted, and now that I heard them, I wanted him to take it back.
“You can’t be serious,” Dad whispered, his voice filled with disbelief. “Are you trying to mess with me? Is that it, son?”
“No, I’m not messing with you, Dad.”
“Caia,” Dad said, sounding as helpless as ever. “Caia, please tell me he’s lying. You two haven’t…”
“Yes, we have, and we’ll continue to,” Sly replied.
I kept quiet. I didn’t know what to say.
I didn’t even know what to feel anymore.
Chapter 41
SLY
