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I can’t help but feel a sense of betrayal as I sit up and glance around the room, searching for any sign of him. I know it’s ridiculous; Felix has never been one for commitment or love. Yet I can’t shake the hope that maybe, just maybe, things could be different between us.
Get a grip, Lily, I think to myself, desperately attempting to push my feelings away.
We spent the night together, and then he left. Because that’s Felix. It’s how he does things.
And maybe it’s for the best.
The last thing I need is to fall for someone like him. It would only end with my heart in pieces, and I’m not interested in that.
Swinging my legs over the edge of the bed, I force myself to focus on the present moment. The sun is streaming through the window, casting a warm golden glow on the hardwood floor. Outside, birds chirp merrily, their songs filling the air with a sense of joy and freedom. I take a deep breath and try to clear my thoughts, determined not to let my emotions get the best of me.
As I stand up and make my way to the bathroom, the reality of the situation begins to sink in. Regardless of what happened last night, Felix and I are friends — good friends who have known each other for years. And I shouldn’t jeopardize that by letting my heart get involved.
“Focus on your charity work, your wedding, anything but him,” I tell myself, splashing cold water on my face in an attempt to calm down.
My reflection in the mirror shows a woman trying to put on a brave face, but the sadness in my eyes is unmistakable.
“Not now,” I whisper, feeling the tears prickling at the corners of my eyes.
I refuse to let them fall, though. I made my bed, and now I have to lie in it — even if that bed feels incredibly empty without Felix by my side.
I force a smile at my reflection and take another deep breath before stepping out of the bathroom. I can do this. I can face Felix without letting my emotions get in the way. Gathering every ounce of courage, I walk downstairs and into the kitchen, my heart beating fast in my chest.
When will I see him again, though? The house is quiet. Obviously, he left.
Will he even call me today? Is our engagement even still on, or did we ruin everything last night?
“Good morning,” a voice says from behind me, causing me to yelp in surprise.
I spin around, clutching my pounding heart, and find myself face-to-face with Felix. Relief washes over me at seeing it’s just him, but it’s quickly replaced by a pang of disappointment.
“Jeez, you scared me!” I exclaim.
“Sorry.” He holds up a brown paper bag and a drink carrier with two paper cups of coffee. “I went out to get bagels.”
I eye the bag. “Oh. Thank you…”
“You’re welcome.” He walks past me and to the counter. “Did you think I had left?”
What else would I think upon waking up to find him gone without an explanation? I choose to hold my tongue, though. Some things are better left unsaid.
I’m not convinced that he didn’t use bagels as an excuse to leave the house, though, to get away from me for a while.
Cold feet, perhaps?
“Sorry about not telling you where I was going.” He takes the bagels and cream cheese out of the bag. “I thought you could use some breakfast.”
“No worries,” I mumble, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in my stomach.
We sit down to eat, the silence between us growing thicker with each passing moment. As I glance out the window, I spot a group of birds flitting about in the garden.
“Look at those birds,” I say, desperate to break the tension. “Aren’t they beautiful?”
Felix nods, following my gaze. “Yeah, they’re really something. Did you know that some species of birds mate for life?”
God, could he really think of nothing else to say?
“Really?” I ask, forcing a smile even though my heart aches at the thought of such devotion.
