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I take a deep breath to steady myself. Clutching the strap of the mini backpack I use as a purse, I close my eyes slowly.
“I can do this. I can do this. I can do this,” I reassure myself in hushed tones. Holding my head high and tossing a few strands of hair behind my shoulder, I push open the car door and glance around.
“Hey.” I hear his voice from behind me. When I turn around, our bodies are mere inches away. We both take a step back, and I let out a small giggle.
“Sorry. I was just looking for you.” I briefly glance down at my feet. I can already tell that my nerves are going to get the best of me.
“You found me. So, why don’t we get something to drink and then sit?” He suggests.
“That sounds lovely, thank you.” I follow him to the counter, keeping a safe distance between us. I already know what I want to order, but I look down at the blackboard menu anyway.
“Hi there! How can I help you this afternoon?” The perky blonde asks from behind the counter.
“Ladies first.” He motions for me to step forward with his right hand while his left slides into his pants pocket.
“Thank you,” I nod to him. “I’ll just have a medium mocha frappe, please. Yes, on the whip.”
“Sure! And for you, sir?” She smiles flirtatiously at Aleksandr.
“I’m fine,” he answers as he pulls out a few crinkled dollar bills from a black leather wallet.
The blonde nods and then winks at him, thinking I’m not paying attention to her before I turn around.
I walk to the closest table I could find and hesitantly sit down. Even though I don’t read too much into it, something tells me to keep the blonde barista relatively close by. She may have been flirty, but she’s another woman. I am, after all, alone with a man I don’t know.
“Thanks again. You didn’t have to do that,” I tell him as he sits across from me.
“Yeah, I did. I am the one who ran into you, remember?” He grins in a cocky way, permitting me to notice the dimples in both of his cheeks. His eyes hold a mysterious curiosity within.
“Vividly.” I smile back at him. “I used to come here all the time with my grandma. I loved it here.” My face relaxes as I recall how happy I was before, completely unaware that I would soon have my life changed forever.
“Loved? As in past tense? What changed?” His brow wrinkles with interest.
I was kidnapped, beaten, and raped. But I can’t just tell him that. I don’t want him looking at me like I’m a victim. I shake my head and shrug. Trying to come up with an answer, I strain to smile, but it fades quickly. My heart beats out of my chest, my breath quickens, and I begin to sweat.
“Fuck, Nova, are you okay?” Aleksandr looks terribly worried as my eyes widen, and my hand flies to my heaving chest.
“I, uh-” I can’t speak or breathe. I start to shiver. My eyes are deceiving me, and I can’t recall what’s real and what isn’t.
“Nova, do I need to call someone? How can I help you? Now you look like a damsel in distress.”
I stand up abruptly and practically run to a tree that’s providing shade nearby. Aleksandr follows me and puts his hand on my back as I bend over the sidewalk, holding onto the tree trunk for stability and trying to catch my breath. He squats down next to me so that he’s in my view and shushes me. He walks me through some deep breathing exercises and pushes my hair behind my ear.
“Shh, you're okay. Look at me. Yes, good girl, that’s it. Deep breath in, hold it, exhale, hold it. Good, one more time,” he coaches me, his emerald eyes never leaving mine for a moment.
After a few minutes, I’m able to breathe normally again. He gets up and ushers me to a bench that isn’t too far from the tree. His hand, once again, finds its way to my back as he sits next to me. I put my elbows on my thighs and rest my head in my palms.
“Fuck, I’m so sorry. I had some things happen recently that were really traumatic, and I’m not used to talking to anyone but my family,” I ramble out.
“Nova, you don’t need to apologize to me. Never apologize to anyone for things that are out of your damn control or for actions that others do to you. Their problems aren’t your fault. Plus, I’ve seen panic attacks before, and I know they can happen at any time, for any reason. It’s fine, as long as you’re alright. I mean, I didn’t try to take your breath away on purpose,” he chuckles.
I lift my head and direct my attention to him. My eyes reflect in his and his mouth curves into a small frown. Aleksandr is genuinely concerned about my mental health. What a unique feeling that is.
“Thank you for understanding. It’s been a rough recovery process.”
“Anytime. Actually, why don’t we try this whole ‘meeting up again’ thing another day? You need to go and rest, plus, I have some other shit I gotta take care of.”
“That sounds like a good idea. Again, thank you for being patient with me.”
