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I can’t feel betrayed, because I didn’t want to share the news either, but it puts my neglected relationships into perspective.
“Can I ask another question?”
I playfully huff into his neck and draw out a chuckle. “Fire away.”
His hands start up soft, matching stroke patterns down my arm and through my hair. “Why do you hate Corvin?”
My shoulders tense, but Atty holds me tighter. “I’m serious. What happened to make you so hostile toward him? Because to me, it almost seems like the two of you make good friends.”
We’re so much more than that, and that’s what terrifies me.
I’ve carried this secret on my chest for years. I’ve let it drag me down and fill me with resentment. Let it lead me to drink and drown myself in whatever destruction I can cause.
I pull away, not enough to be out of his arms, and not enough that I have to raise my voice above a whisper, but enough that he can see the resolve in my eyes.
“I was raped,” I say, the words scratching at my throat like clawed creatures. “At a party three years ago.”
Atlas’ face falls, and it hurts so bad to see the anguish carved into his features. But he holds me tighter and knocks our heads together with a gentle thunk.
“Some guy got me drunk. Really fucking drunk. I don’t remember much about that night other than snapshots. Pieces of conversations happening around me but not including me. The feeling of someone inside me.”
The memories fight to come forward, but I close my eyes and breathe through their rampage, throwing them back under the tarp they want to crawl out of.
“Corvin found me. I never asked him for details. He took me to the hospital… and that’s how I woke up. Violated. In pain. And this person I barely knew sitting beside me.”
“Loh.” Atlas grabs my face and drags it to his shoulder as the tears start up.
I hate crying. I hate it.
But I’ve held this in for so long.
“I’m so fucking sorry, Loh. I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I’m sorry I didn’t know. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because I wanted to forget. To pretend it never happened.”
“But Corvin knew it happened.” It’s not spoken as an accusation or a question, but from a place of understanding. Because Atty has always gotten me better than anyone else.
“You can’t hate him forever.”
“I don’t know how to let it go.”
We sit like that for a while. Atty’s arms around me. My arms around him. I’m sure we look like a couple to the outside world, but I’ve never felt our friendship stronger than right now.
I get it.
The difference between our bond and one lovers share.
The one Atlas has with Blair.
The one I have to admit I have with Corvin.
Atlas is the one who breaks the embrace with an apologetic smile. I give him his space as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone, sporting a look I know all too well.
“What’s my brother up to?”
Atty’s cheeks turn pink, but his smile is wider than ever. “He’s just sending me selfies from work.”
“Blair? Selfies? What have you done to him?”
