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We both chuckle.
“Instilled a little bit of confidence, I hope? I love him, Shiloh, but Blair is so outrageously hard on himself.”
Don’t I know it? Maybe he should have spent less time being hard on himself and more time being hard on me. I’m the one who deserves it.
“Speaking of Blair, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”
I give him a skeptical side-eye. “Tell me you’re not proposing to him. While I am all down for you getting married, can I at least get off probation first?”
Atlas laughs and nods. “Absolutely. Definitely not what I wanted to say, but I’m glad you approve.”
So do I.
I don’t know when my feelings started to shift. When looking at Atlas stopped opening a pit of quicksand in my chest.
“What is it?”
“Right. So. You know how the three of us have our little holiday traditions? Well, I’ve been talking with my family a bit, and they want to take us on a trip this year.”
“That sounds fancy.”
“You know my family. It’ll be like a farm in the middle of nowhere. They know nothing about travel.”
Something tells me that’s not the heart of the question.
“The thing is, even though we all grew up together, my parents don’t really know Blair all that well. He was always busy working and taking care of everyone…”
I fold my hands in my lap, lacing my fingers together to give me something to hold on to.
“You don’t want me to go.”
Atty’s eyes are downcast when I look at him. “It’s not that I don’t want you to go. It’s more that… they fawn over you. They love you. But I want them to give your brother a chance. Especially since they’ve been under the impression that you and I have been a thing for years.”
I snap my head up and drop my jaw. “Your parents, too? Mine said the same thing. Damn, we’re slow.”
The laughter doesn’t stop the bowling ball sized lump in my gut turning my stomach sour, however.
“I get it,” I say, because I don’t want Atlas to worry anymore about hurting me. “The two of you need this. I’ll be alright.”
“You could stay at the apartment. And I’ll video call Christmas morning.”
I’m nodding along, trying not to let the kernel of disappointment show on my face. Atlas gives me a one-armed hug and ruffles my hair, standing as the last few minutes of his break runs out.
“I know it’s bad timing. After how crap this year has been. After what happened.” I see the battle waging in his eyes, and I quickly shake my head.
“No. Don’t use me as an excuse to let yourself be miserable. I can take care of myself.”
If that’s the case, why do I want to take off and run into the arms of the one person who can save me from my own self-destruction?
Chapter 25
Corvin
I wouldn’t call myself a sap, but there’s something about Shiloh that makes me want to rip my heart open and let it bleed out for him.
Morbid almost but damn is it true.
It makes keeping up with all of my tasks for the fundraiser a headache. It’s a mess of spreadsheets and invoices and deposit slips, phone calls and emails and tax information. No matter how many times I tackle the technical shit—or how many times I insist I won’t be the one doing it—it’s always like an overwhelming glob of random information.
